I have never wanted to touch someone more in my life. The desire to grab him is turning me inside out – every finger, every toe – and burning like I’m on fire.
—thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four—
The blowing stops and I ache for it. I ache for him to kiss me.
—thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty, forty-one—
It feels like I will die if he doesn’t kiss me now. I lean into him and feel his lips against my cheek. He lets it linger there for a moment before pulling gently back and continuing to blow gently.
—forty-two, forty-three, forty-four—
I have to stop this.
I can’t risk my heart again. Not after everything that’s happened with Alex. How can I even be contemplating kissing Paul? How much of a fucking idiot must I be? To be flirting so outrageously? It would ruin everything if I kissed him now. We’d never be the same. I’d lose him, just like I’ve lost Alex. I can’t do it. I have to stop. Right now. STOP IT.
I shut my eyes and turn my head.
‘Hey!’ He pulls away and the spell is broken. ‘You weren’t supposed to shut your eyes! It probably won’t have worked now.’
I swallow carefully, waiting nervously for the catch in my chest.
‘No,’ I say, smiling warily, ‘I think it did work. That wasvery… distracting. Thank you, Paul. I can imagine that’s always a very effective way of getting rid of— HIC – OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.’
Across from us, the kid starts crying again.
CHAPTER NINE
‘Did you just say Paul D’Silva?’ A handsome, middle-aged man is peering at us with confusion. Shame burns my face. There is no question; he heard me shouting about marrying Paul. He clearly knows him; this is the worst possible outcome of the mission within a mission. We are not good spies.
I stare at him, my mouth hanging open. After a moment of silence, the man looks awkward. ‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbles, turning away. ‘I thought you said…’ he trails off, shuffling away and I find my voice.
‘Do you, um, know him?’ I ask, my voice strangled.
He turns back. ‘Yeah.’ He gestures at the restaurant behind him. ‘I work for him. He’s my head chef.’
‘Is he in there?’ Louise asks excitedly.
‘Why bother with Paul? This one is quite handsome,’ Sofia says, moving closer and giving him a once-over.
The guy ignores Sofia and shakes his head. ‘He’s actually away for a couple of months. The bosses have him on anintensive new training course up north somewhere. Do you need me to pass along a message or something?’
He’s not in there. He’s not even in London. I can’t see him.
This was a waste of time. I feel my shoulders slump and my head nod forward. Another disappointment.
‘Er, no,’ I answer in a low voice. ‘No message. Thanks, though; we…’ I don’t have any more words and he nods slowly.
‘No problem.’ He scratches his head. ‘Er, take care.’ He turns to leave and Bibi shouts after him, ‘Is he still dating Celeste?’
The man turns back again, and this time he’s squinting at us. ‘Who?’
‘Or anyone?’ Lou adds eagerly. ‘Does he have a girlfriend at all? Is he married, divorced, dating? Or is he single?’
Sofia adds, ‘And areyoumarried?’
Something like fear settles on the man’s face. It’s akin to someone realizing they’ve just walked into a lion’s den. ‘Er, how did you say you knew Paul?’ he asks nervously.
‘We’re not stalkers,’ I say far too quickly, sounding very much like a stalker. ‘We’re really not.’
