‘ME PEOPLE!’ I shout, but she is already out of earshot.
Dodging traffic, we somehow cross the road, settling into a tight huddle a building down from the restaurant. We hover stealthily on the corner, four excitable heads pokingout to watch the now-too-close shopfront. A few people sit outside, chatting as they eat.
We watch in silence for a minute before Bibi gets bored.
‘Is this really worth it?’ she sighs. ‘I mean, maybe you should see where things go with Alistair before you get too caught up in stalking your other exes.’
‘Not stalking,’ I object. ‘And there’s no point in starting a whole mission if I start and stop with my first love.’
‘My mum says you never really fall out of love with your first love,’ Louise sighs dreamily. ‘It’s something to do with the mad hormones you’re experiencing back then, plus those chemicals firing for the first time.’
‘Huh.’ Bibi looks intrigued. ‘Like how MDMA is never as good after that first time you take it?’
‘What is MDMs? Is that a rapper?’ Sofia looks curious.
‘It’s a drug,’ Bibi tells her smoothly. ‘Speed, ecstasy – y’know?’
‘How exciting!’ Sofia claps her hands. ‘Can we get some? It might liven up this boring spying day?’
Keen not to get too off-topic – and also keen not to kill my elderly neighbour with a fashionable recreational drug – I clear my throat. ‘Sofia, who was your first love?’
Her eyes go all faraway. ‘I have never been in love.’
Louise gasps dramatically. ‘Never?’
Sofia shakes her head quite cheerfully. ‘I have had many dalliances and much lust, but love has eluded me.’ She bites her lip playfully. ‘But you know, I have the most awful crush on the man downstairs. I’ve always had a thing for younger men.’
‘Ivan!’ Bibi is horrified. ‘But he’s so grumpy and mean! And you’re so cool!’
‘No, he’s not!’ Lou defends Ivan. ‘He finally spoke to me the other day; I think it was the biscuits I left for him that did it.’
‘The hallway biscuits?’ Sofia enquires. ‘No, I ate those, my darling. They were OK this time, you’re getting better at baking. Still a little dry but better.’ She pats Louise kindly, who looks furious but says nothing.
‘Ugh, Lou, stop trying to bond with Ivan!’ Bibi rolls her eyes. ‘He doesn’t want to be our friend, stop trying to befriend him. Stop trying to make fetch happen.’
‘I can break him,’ she mutters.
‘What did you and Ivan talk about?’ I ask Louise, genuinely curious.
‘Mostly his, er, teeth,’ she says, looking a bit embarrassed. ‘He was telling me how expensive his veneers were.’
‘Ooh,’ Sofia jumps in. ‘Aren’t they just marvellous? So white and straight.’
‘Have you asked him out?’ I lean in, delighted by the possibility of an in-house romance.
‘No, I have made eyes with him, but I’ve not yet done the flirting chat.’ Sofia pauses. ‘You think I should ask?’
Louise and I nod excitedly as she says encouragingly, ‘You should definitely ask him out! We can help?’
Bibi looks a bit uncertain. ‘Don’t we have enough of these love missions to be going on with?’
‘Well, yeees.’ Louise looks torn. ‘But finding love is so important!’ Bibi rolls her eyes again.
‘You have a long-term beau, no?’ Sofia turns to Lou. ‘I’ve seen him come and go many times. Unless he is a casual friend?’
Lou’s face darkens. ‘Yes, Sven is my boyfriend. But I don’t want to talk about Sven right now.’
‘Oh, right,’ Sofia nods, and the group returns to staring en masse over at Paul’s workplace.
