|Um, guys, this is genuinely a great idea. Let’s get @Lord Sugar involved in this.
Mark Edwards
Replying to Karen Gill and Lord Sugar
|Hi Sir Alan! We need an initialbillion-pound investment to get started and also then to live off and not do any work because it’s boring.
GuruShaman QuamAKAGary Porter
|This is another of my businesses! See my otherAWOLaccount IslandHopWithAGuru
Piers Ned
|U r a hoe
AWOL MODERATOR
Replying to Piers Ned
|I don’t even know if this is an insult, do you mean a literal garden hoe? If not, please please be respectful to our users. Please please please. I can’t handle this any more. Do you know howlittle I get paid? My life is so empty. Luke
Hannah Edwards
|be careful water and mountains can be an edge
Joe Downe
|You are the cutest. Have you considered maybe just ‘hello human beings’? :)))
‘Have you ever noticed in straight people movies,’ Joe begins thoughtfully, laying down his iPad where we’ve been watching an illegally downloaded Adam Sandlercomedy. ‘How missionary sex means love, and woman on top meansone-night stand?’
I consider this. ‘Oh yeah, that’s true,’ I say.
‘Is it true in real life, though?’ he says, facing me.
I nod. ‘Oh absolutely. Anything other than missionary once you’re in a loving heteronormative relationship is considered something akin to a satanic ritual.’
‘Being straight soundsawful,’ he says,awed.
‘It is. But what about you, Joe?’ I continue, turning to him. ‘How is your love life these days? Have you had muchon-top fun during this trip?’
He shakes his head and then turns to me, smiling slightly.
‘No darling, but I’m not interested in anything casual any more. I’ve done all that.’
I sit up a little. ‘You want to meet someone for real?’ I say carefully and Joe’s smilegets wider. ‘No,’ he replies simply, but there is more to it.
‘Because ...’ I begin slowly. ‘You’ve already met someone real?’ I hold my breath.
‘Oh Alice,’ he says quietly. ‘You know full well I am madly in love with your brother. Truly, madly, deeply.’ We are still holding hands and I grip it tightly, tighter. He laughs a small laugh. ‘You know it and I know it – and Mark knows it.But he doesn’t see me like that, he never has.’
I bite my nail thinking of how hard my brother laughed when I mentioned the possibility. ‘But maybe ...’ I try, ‘maybe if you talked to him ...’
Joe smiles again. ‘I have. Many times. He is always kind about it but he’s sure. I’m just not that person for him. He can’t see me like that. I need to walk away really. I’ll never get over himif I keep spending every waking moment with him. But it is so hard when all I want is to be with him, always.’ His eyes are suddenly a little damp and we fall into a mournful silence.
I want to offer to speak to Mark for Joe. I want to shout at my stupid brother about how stupid he is not to love Joe. I want to hit him over and over until he agrees to love this man for ever. Who couldfail to love Joe? He is so good and kind and handsome. How can Mark not see that?
But I am selfishly afraid. On the surface of it, my brother and I have been totally fine since our littlemomenton the bus. We woke up the next day in our dorm room and pretended nothing had happened. We laughed and joked like normal. We planned our adventures. We spent our evenings exploring street stallsand visiting temples in the day. And it was brilliant. You have to take off your shoes in the temples because they’re sacred places – even the loos, which is hard to get my head round, having seen the way most men piss. Anyway the guides give youflip-flops to wear inside and it made me laugh long and hard thinking back to just a few weeks before when I was wearing those lurid greenflip-flopsin very different circumstances.
