But I am meant to be having fun on this leg of the trip. And surely sex with strangers – or at least snoggingstrangers – has to come into it somewhere.
And so, yes, I went online and I’m actually super impressed withLABumble. Everyone is much hotter, more tanned, and more naked than on theUKBumble. After an hour of swiping on the beach, I narrowed it down to ‘Robert’, a sexy dirtbag type, who loves a selfie, and ‘Emre’, a sensitive musician, who was a clear hatfish.
A hatfish – if you’renot familiar – is a guy who wears a hat in every single photo, because they have bad or no hair, and they don’t want you to know. Which is weird to me, because I love a bald dude. Be bald and proud, I say, because at some point, we’re going to figure it out. Unless you’re planning to wear a hat in bed, and I don’t know many people who are into that.
In the end, I went with Robert. Mostly becausea sexy dirtbag is exactly what I’m looking for right now.
My new friend Patrick laughs. ‘Dating inLAis kind of strange,’ he says, thoughtfully. ‘I only moved here a year ago, from Michigan. Over there we just kind of went on a date and if we liked that person, we made a go of things.’ He sighs a little dramatically. ‘That is not the way of things here. I thinkLAdating is a perpetualstate of being for many natives. They have to be forced or tricked into actually committing. I’m not really into either of those options, so I’m staying single. Actually I quit dating a few months ago.’
I make a sympathetic face, but I’m delighted by all this information. I am so not looking for commitment right now. I just need a wipe clean afterTD. Casual is ideal.
He clears his throat.‘So, where are you going on this date tomorrow?’ he says.
‘It’s a themed restaurant,’ I reply, thinking about it. ‘And apparently it’s great. It’s pirate themed! So I guess we’ll have a drink and if we don’t hate each other, we’ll get some food after.’
‘Pirate themed?’ Patrick says, looking amused again. ‘Sounds like it could go either way. Whose idea was that?’
‘His,’ I confirm.
Which, I realised later, should really have been my first clue.
