‘Sounds hot.’
‘They all say things like “All you can eat”, “Lick me until ice cream” and “Slippery when wet”.’
‘Aw, did you not get me one?’
‘I was actually very tempted. But I got my palm read instead. There are hundreds of psychics who all happen to be dotted along the sea front. I think the sea must be a psychicenergy conductor.’
‘Oh my God, tell me everything.’ Mark sounds breathless. ‘Did the psychic mention me? Am I going to be rich? Famous?’
‘Very. You were all she wanted to talk about. But really, it was actually hilarious. Thisbored-looking woman just held my hand for ten minutes and spoke at high speed about how I was going to live a long life, but I was chasing something right now. Shealso said there is a man in my life who doesn’t treat me very well. Like,LOL, whoISN’Tthat going to apply to?’
‘She is right though. I hope you haven’t been in touch withTDlately.’
‘I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, the connection is bad.’
‘Ohhhh, Alice! At least tell me you haven’t sexted your boss again though.’
A pulse of humiliation burns through me. I do not want to be remindedof that terrible night. A beat passes and Mark speaks quickly, probably sensing he has hit a nerve.
‘So no more progress with that Noah guy you met on your first night?’
‘Nah, but that’s fine. He was supergood-looking but I don’t know, I think he might be really boring.’
‘Fair enough. Did the psychic say anything about other men coming your way?’
I pause.
‘Nothing aboutmen. But she said ...’ I am not sure whether to tell Mark this. ‘... that sometimes I can be unkind to people.’
There is another pause and I add hastily, ‘But I think that was just because she was upset I was laughing in her face.’
A few more seconds pass and I feel myself getting cross. I’m not unkind! I’m a straight shooter! Honest! I’m not unkind! That’s unkind to say!
‘Butare you finding The Fun like you wanted?’ he says.
I jump on the change of subject.
‘I kinda think I am,’ I reply. Despite my current discomfort and boiled feet, I am actually having a great time inLA. It’s not anything like I expected, but everything is so new and exciting. And I can’t tell you how affecting it is to have the sun on my face every day. I had no idea how much the greygloom of London was dragging me down.
‘Project Find The Fun is definitely coming along. Maybe I’ll just stay in Fun mode, here inLA. I don’t need to Find Myself in Thailand if I can Find Fun forever instead, do I?’
‘True, but I think the novelty will wear off all your Finding Fun soon. You like being able to complain and shout too much. Plus, they’re bound to chuck you out soon. Haveyou not heard of aBUI?’
‘No, what the fuck? Is it like aDUI?’
‘Yep. But for biking under the influence. It’s an actual crime, and they take foreigners straight to the airport if they’re caught. And frankly, Alice, I cannot see a way around it. You are bound to end up hiring a bike one day while you’re drunk. It’s just tooYOUnot to happen at some point.’
‘Oh shit, that is true.I’m going to get aBUI. They’re going to chuck me out.’
‘Try to wait until your last day, because that could work out quite well. Hey, I saw Hannah earlier.’
‘Oh? How is she? Wanting more tips on how to useAWOL? She’s almost as bad at it as me.’
‘Ha, no,’ he says, his voice a little tight. ‘She wondered if I would try to talk to you again about ... Mum.’
My breathing gets shallowbut before I can reply, the lights in the room come back up and I hang up, throwing my phone back in my bag, and rushing back to the circle.
‘Here comes the chinchilla,’ mutters my new friend, as the Sheathology leader sweeps back in.
‘Right,’ she shouts, smiling benignly as she regards each of us. ‘Time to remove our robes.’
