Today was supposed to be a day for Lauren and Charlie. It was supposed to be about celebrating them and their commitment to each other, and by the end, it wasn’t anymore. It was about everyone else and what they wanted. All this anger from the guests – who don’t get to put on a fancy hat, talk about ‘who’s going to be next’ and single-shame Joely – proves that.
Ultimately, Lauren and Charlie wanted to get married and they’re doing just that. Without any of the craziness. And I’m really, really proud of them.
Plus, Lauren promised she’d FaceTime us from the ceremony – yay.
Joely and I are sitting on the floor of my living room now, drinking the champagne we’d planned on taking to the hotel with us. No point wasting it, right? Joely’s just put her dark green bridesmaid dress on, because she said she wants to wear it at least once. It looks great on her – I mean, it should, since she chose them for us.
She’s on her computer, writing a slightly tipsy blog post about elopement and how everyone should ‘totally do it immediately’. She looks up thoughtfully.
‘Maybe I should elope with David? Just for theLOLs?’
‘ByLOLs, do you mean attention?’ I say, smiling.
‘Yeah, yeah, I do mean that,’ Joely says, laughing. ‘We could do it drunk, with drawn-on cat whiskers, like Ross and Rachel, and then get an annulment.’
I hold my glass aloft, struck by inspiration. ‘No, wait, plot twist. Why don’t you elope with Calum Best! Leave David heartbroken. And then you could run off with Brian when you get back!’
‘Yesss!’ she says, standing up unsteadily. ‘This is perfect.’ She starts texting.
Oh, she’s actually doing it.
I was only joking.
Lauren’s going to be so mad if Joely steals her elopement thunder.
My phone rings and I answer it on autopilot.
‘What’s new, pussycat?’
Dad.
‘Hey, Dad, how are you?’ I say, feeling a spike of irritation at that tired greeting. ‘You got the message, right? The wedding’s off? Don’t come to Charlie’s house – they’re pulling down the marquee right this second.’
Truthfully, that was another reason to be happy about the elopement. The idea of my parents being in the same room for a whole day, without causing some kind of awful scene, seemed incredibly unlikely. The idea of it has filled me with dread ever since we got their separate confirmedRSVPs.
‘We did indeed get the message, pussycat,’ he says cheerfully.
We? Who’s we?
He pauses and then says importantly, ‘I have some news, actually.’
‘Oh?’ I say, intrigued. He hasn’t launched immediately into some tirade about Mum, so we’re already in new territory.
He hums happily. ‘Your mum and me...’
Here we go.
‘We’re getting back together!’
‘WHAT?’ My shock comes out louder than I’d intended, but I can’t contain it. ‘You’re what? What do you mean? You can’t be.’
I can hear Dad’s smiling as he goes on. ‘We started talking yesterday – well, if I’m honest, Delilah, it was morearguingthan talking—’
‘Shocking,’ I interrupt dryly, but he misses it.
‘We thought we should talk when we realised we were both going to Lauren’s wedding. I was angry at first that she was going, because she was being such a bitch, and I couldn’t believe the Bolts would invite her when we all know I met them first! I remember distinctly – it was a Tuesday back when you were at school. We said hello, shook hands, and it was definitely at least three or four days before your mum met them. So I should have priority status with them. Anyway, we had a bit of a fight about it. And then your mum said we should try and make an effort to be cordial for this one day only, since it was Lauren’s special party. And then we started talking properly and realised we should get back together!’
You have to be kidding. This is insane.
