‘Good! Good,’ he says, and he trails off there.
‘What are you—?’ I start to ask why he’s here but he interrupts, suddenly talking urgently. ‘Actually, Lilah, I’m not good. I’m terrible. I’m a mess. I’m so sorry for showing up here like this, but I still had your itinerary and flight details on my computer. I know it’s creepy to just turn up, but I couldn’t wait any longer to talk to you. I nearly flew out to Marbella to find you guys but I knew that would be ridiculous...’ He trails off again and the room starts spinning.
Is he... ? What is happening?
He swallows hard and keeps going, studying my face intently as he speaks. ‘I’ve spent the last few weeks hiding away, Lilah, trying not to think about you. But it’s all I can do. Daniel had to confiscate my phone weeks ago, just to stop me messaging you. He admitted the other day that he’d even replied to a few of your texts.’
Maybe that was where the thumbs up emoji came from. From what I remember of Daniel, he’s much more of a thumbs up emoji type than Will.
He’s still talking. ‘I need... I have to... Lilah, I miss you so much. I know things weren’t great between us, but I should’ve been more understanding of what you were dealing with. I know it’s only because you care about everyone and wanted to help. I was so selfish. I wanted you all to myself and it was so... I’m so sorry, Lilah.’
He takes another big breath and I feel my mouth drop open. I close it.
He laughs shakily and goes on. ‘I know it’s a ridiculous cliché to turn up at an airport, but it worked inLove Actually, right? There’s an airport in that, isn’t there? It’s been a while since I saw it... Oh, I don’t know what I’m doing, I really don’t. All I know is that, Lilah, I love you. I want us to get back together. Please can we get back together? Take me back?’ He stops, and then, stuttering, he says, ‘More than that, I want us to be together forever. I...’
He glances at the crowds around us. They’re still distracted by the Famous People commotion to notice our intense exchange.
And then Will gets down on one knee.
Oh my God. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening.
‘Delilah Mary Fox...’ he begins, half smiling, but he is white with fear. He looks more uncomfortable than I’ve ever seen him. This is not Will at all. He doesn’t do public displays. He is a person who can’t even talk to Joely when we’re out, because he’s afraid of ending up in a fan picture. He hides from theTVwhen I’m watchingITV2shows because it’s all ‘too much’ for him. He cannot be down on one knee proposing to me in an airport. This is all wrong, wrong, wrong.
He clears his throat and looks up at me, shaking. ‘Lilah, will you marr—’ he begins and I grab him, pulling him up.
‘Get up, Will,’ I whisper. ‘You don’t want to do that. Not like that, I know you don’t.’
His face turns a shade paler – he’s practically green now – but he looks intensely relieved. I pull him in for a hug and over his shoulder I glance around, breathing out.
No one noticed. Or if they did, maybe they thought he was tying a shoelace or something.
‘You don’t have to do something like that,’ I say into his ear as we stand there hugging. ‘We’re not inLove Actually. This is real life.’
He makes a noise and sags into my arms, suddenly becoming a stone heavier.
‘That was the stupidest, worst thing I’ve ever done,’ he whispers into my neck. ‘Worse than actually breaking up with you. I’m sorry. But I thought it would be what you wanted. Daniel said it’s the kind of thing all girls want – a big public proposal. I said it wasn’t really you or me, but he seemed so sure. I just wanted to prove to you how much I want this. I know that was dumb and impulsive, but I do... I do want to marry you, Lilah. I want us to be together and live in our house and have a life together forever. You’re all I want. I’ve missed you so much. I feel broken without you, like half of me is gone.’
A whispered, awkward proposal in my ear feels much more like Will, and I feel his warmth seep through me.
This would be such a nice life. A nice life with my lovely, nice Will. Spooning him and popping his spots. I could say yes right now and that would be so wonderful.
But.
But.
Oh fuck.
I don’t know what to think. The yes should be out of my mouth already and yet...
Look, I didn’t want to break up with Will. I tried so hard to make him change his mind. I begged him to stay and talk. I cried every night for weeks. I haven’t slept properly in ages. But now he’s here. And he’s saying all this lovely stuff I thought I wanted to hear. He loves me, he’s missed me like I’ve missed him. He’s offering me everything I should want. I thought I definitely wanted a life together.
But I’m not sure.
Because I know now that he was right to dump me. I didn’t make room for him in my life. And not just in the last few months – I never did. Even before the crazy year of weddings began, I was slotting him around my life instead of making him his own place in it. I let him skirt the outsides of my universe, but I never really let him in. I never made that effort. And Franny was right too, when she said we had problems we weren’t dealing with. We weren’t able to argue and be honest with each other – and you should be able to argue with your partner, shouldn’t you? I always thought us never arguing was a good thing, but I think there should be fallouts, at least once in a while. There should be easy, fun bickering. I should be able to tell Will when I’m upset about something without fear of making him sad.
And why am I so sure I don’t want to marry him?
I pull away a little from our hug and he lets me.
