‘Hold on a second,’ I mutter into the mouthpiece, clicking the dickhead on mute.
‘Franny, did you get any letters from the council in the last few months?’ I say hurriedly, my voice as even as I can make it. ‘About the building? About evicting us?’
Franny scowls. ‘Oh, maybe,’ she says dismissively. ‘Who keeps track of these things? If a letter’s not addressed by hand, I know it’s not going to be any fun, so I throw it away.’
‘FRANNY!’ I explode, and Sam, still sitting there quietly, looks awkward. Franny looks amused by my unexpectedly angry response and my frustration boils over. ‘Franny, get that smirk off your face!’ I say, my voice higher than usual. ‘We could’ve done something to stop this. We could’ve lodged a protest months ago when the decision was being made. They probably had open meetings about this, where members of the public could put across their point of view or complain about the decision. No one protested and now we’ve missed it all. He’s saying it’s too late. We’re out. The building will be gone by October. Why didn’t you tell me about the letters? I could’ve read them for you. I could’ve sorted this out.’
For a second she looks a little contrite and guilt fills me. ‘Sorry,’ I say quickly. ‘Look, this isn’t your fault. Sorry I shouted. You’re right, nobody really reads letters anymore. They should’ve emailed us or called sooner. And my name is on the administrative list too, there’s no reason they should’ve sent everything to you.’ I pause and add again, ‘I’m really sorry for getting cross.’
She shrugs like it’sOKbut she still looks wounded. I sigh and take MrCuntid off hold.
‘Hello?’
He’s gone. Crap crap crap. It’s probably going to take me weeks to get him back on the damned phone. We don’t have time for this cat and mouse silliness. As if there’s any point trying to speak to him again anyway – he was the very opposite of helpful just now. And what would I even say?
Shit. I feel like we’ve gone backwards. At least there was still hope before this call. It feels like that’s been crushed now. I feel crushed. He sounded so sure, so certain there was nothing we could do.
And how was I pronouncing his stupid name wrong? I was saying it completely right! The guy is a lunatic. I bet he has no friends at all. I bet he had one friend one time, but then he kept correcting stuff that didn’t even need correcting, just to be mean, and then that friend was like, ‘OK, we’re no longer friends because you’re the worst and now you have zero friends again.’ And yet he still didn’t learn his lesson. What a dickhead.
I look at Franny again. She’s slowly chewing on a mini chocolate roll from the tub and looking sad. Her yellow-stained fingers are fiddling absently with the lid and she suddenly looks really old.
I decide there and then that I’m not giving up. We can’t just let this happen. They can’t take this away from us. I can’t let that moron on the phone win. The FU means too much to all those lovely women. And apart from all the other important reasons, I really don’t think any other venue would let Franny bring along Geoffrey’s ashes in an urn with her every week.
From:[email protected]
To:15+ contacts in your address book
Date:15 August
Hello lovely ladies,
It’s me again, Lauren Bolt’s maid of honour. I think I’ve now spoken to each and every one of you individually over email or WhatsApp? If not: hello! Hope you’re having a really excellent week.
I just wanted to update you on our October Marbella plans for Lauren’s hen do, as, after a bit of back and forth, I believe we do now have final confirmed numbers (phew!). Thanks everyone.
SO!
There will be 16 of us flying out to Puerto Banus on the evening of the 5 October, returning late afternoon on the Sunday, 8 October.
We’ll be in a self-catering apartment, as it looks like we’ll be out and about a fair bit, but the price below does include a few meals out.
For flights, accommodation and all the exciting hen-based activities we have planned, it’s going to be £425 each. Really hope that’s OK.
I’ve already paid the deposits on everything and need to pay for the flights in full this week, so would you guys all mind transferring the cash as soon as you can, ideally in the next few days?! So my fifth and favourite credit card doesn’t die too painful a death!
Thanks so so so much in advance.
You’ll find flight details and my bank details are highlighted in BIGRED LETTERSon the itineraryattached!!
We’ll be sending around more info about things like the theme, and anything else you might need to bring along, in the next few weeks. Hope that’sOK.
So excited!
Lilah xx
PS. Sorry to sound like a total broken record, but would you mind just replying to me? Think a few people got annoyed last time about all the group messages!
From:[email protected]
