26
It’s five-fifteen. I wonder how close Elijah is to London bynow.
I sink onto Steph’s couch, staring at the contact list on my new phone and sighing. His number’s notthere.
Steph offers me a cup of coffee and rubs a consoling hand over my back. “When’s the last time you backed up yourphone?”
“Two yearsago?”
“Charlie!”
“I know. I know…” I throw the phone to the couch and hold my hands up in surrender. “I give up. If this isn’t the universe giving me a big middle finger, I don’t know whatis.”
Steph frowns. “Well, maybe he heard the page? Didn’t you say you had them pagehim?”
“He’d already boarded. I doubt he heardit.”
“I bet he’ll call as soon as he lands,” Steph says, only to ease thepain.
I wouldn’t be calling him if the situation were reversed. “Steph, he thinks my answer was no. Why would he call?” I sigh. “I should have texted him on my way to theairport.”
“This is tragic,Charlie.”
“Yeah, well, par for the course. My life has been pretty tragic the lastyear.”
Dropping my head back on the cushion, I fight the tears that sting my eyes. I have no one to blame but myself. “How juvenile was it of me to never tell him myname?”
“Well, I mean, I get whyyoudidn’t. You didn’t want it to go anywhere, and when it did, you got scared, so I think subconsciously you not telling him was just your way of self-sabotaging. It’s what you dobest.”
A few tears streak down my cheek which I quickly swataway.
“Doesn’t he have social media? Facebook? Instagram? Hell,Snapchat?”
“No. Of coursenot.”
“Okay.” She plops beside me on the couch and places her hand on my knee. “Do you want me to be brutally honest here, or do you want me to say things to make you feelbetter?”
“Honesty. Always, from this point forward,honesty.”
“I think you fucked up—royally fucked up.” She throws her arms around me and squeezes. “But I loveyou.”
I think about Elijah and the empty seat next to him. I think about how heartbroken I’d be if the situation were reversed, and my chest aches. He had no idea how much I cared about him, and now, I doubt he ever will. Tears trickle down my face, but I fight the emotion, trying to keep it tampered down. My wishy-washy self, my stupid fear of being hurt has just cost me something I never thought I’dhave.
And so it seems, all along my fantasy was being in love with a man who made me feelsafe.
