“Yeah, I mean, you forgot Mexico, but with all that sexting I've been providing guidance on, he must have sent pictures. Is it small? Big? Does it lean a little to the left?” She waves her hand from side to side. “The right? Two pee holes?” She slams her palms over the table like a judge with a gavel, and I jump. “I mean, what's theholdup?”
I refuse to even acknowledge the two-urethra comment. “The holdup is that I've talked myself up too much.” I drag my palm down my face, sighing as I watch Dani strut back toward thetable.
She slides into the seat, mumbling about how Bill is a pain in the ass. “Having a dildo company say Throbbin Hood's penis is seven inches, when, in fact, it is eight, is literally defamation of character. How Bill doesn't understand that is beyondme.”
Steph and I both stare at her, mouthsopen.
Dani grabs her chopsticks and looks up, deadpanning as she glances from me to Steph. “What? It isdefamation.”
“I take it back.” Steph whacks Dani on the back. “Your job does not suck.” And now her attention is directed at me again. “So, Charlie here, is trying to back out of the date, because she thinks she's talked herself up toomuch.”
Dani blinks. “Talked yourself up too much?How?”
“Over sexts with ElChapo.”
“Oh…”
“His name's Elijah,” Icorrect.
“But…” Steph rests her chin on her hands, an expression so angelic crossing her face that I expect she'll be struck down by lightning at any moment. “I can only imagine coming from Charlie that it's tame. What did you promise the man? Doggy style, and now you're worried about him staring at your unbleachedasshole?”
Dani glares at Steph. “Why are you so vulgar? Your mother was a nicewoman.”
These are the people I have chosen to associate with. I’m not sure what that says aboutme.
“Look,” I say with a huff. “I told him I'd do a lot of things, and if he expects me to be a flexible seductress who's going to make his dick explode like some Fourth of July finale, he's going to be sadlymistaken.”
“I'm sure he's not expecting that,” Dani coos. “People say all kinds of kinky stuff viatext.”
“Yep,” Steph adds. “They never follow through with it. Trust me. The best guys expect is the reverse cowboy and a little tainttickle.”
I shove a spoonful of rice into my mouth and slouch in the booth, annoyed at the entire situation. Elijah Banks, self-proclaimed fantasy fulfiller, will expect much,muchmore than a little tainttickle.
I want to see him. And I hateit.
My phone buzzes on the table, the screen lighting up with atext.
Elijah: I'm not one to take no for an answer, sweetDemi.
Against my better judgment, I send him my address and tell him I'll see him atnine.
