“Great, was that all?” I turn to pull the door open again, but he grabs my arm, his fingers lingering on my skin. He frowns as he stares at that one point of contact.
“Hope, please. Just…” He lets out an aggravated breath and squeezes his eyes shut for a second before they flash open again. “I shouldn’t have done that to you?”
I laugh humourlessly. “Are we referring to you making me come, or you kicking me out?”
“Fuck! Both!” he snaps. I glare at him. His eyes slowly rise to meet mine. “I like you, but I can’t offer you anything. I’m not good at this. Can we forget this happened and be friends again?”
And here I am again, stuck between a rock and a hard place because in that moment when his lips were on mine, his hands, his tongue…he made feel like someone special. And now I feel worthless. I want him though, I like him but would I rather keep him as a friend, or not have him at all? Honestly, I worry about him and even if he won’t admit it, I think that he needs me.
I take a deep breath and force down the foreign feelings that seem to be gravitating towards him. “Okay.”
He studies my face, his lips pressing together. “Okay?”
I nod, forcing a smile onto my face even as tears threaten. “Just don’t be attacking my vag anytime soon.” I open the door and duck my head so he can’t see my face. I’m not in love with Finn. I’m not. But just once I’d like to be the girl that’s good enough to date, rather than the girl who’s good enough to fuck or be a friend. It seems Silas was right. He may truly be the only person who will ever love me that way.
Finn passes me in the doorway and pauses, hesitating for a long moment. I see his hand reach towards me before he clenches his fist and retracts it. “Bye Hope,” he says, and then he leaves.
I close the door. “Bye, Finn.” I agreed to stay friends with him, so why does it feel like I just lost him?
