2
Finn
Thank god.I walk into my apartment and drop my keys on the sidetable.Everything here is in its place. Neat. Orderly. Controlled.And it sends a sense of calm rushing through me.
My face is throbbing and my ribs feel like I may have cracked one.I head straight to the fridge andtake out a beer beforerummagingin the freezer for some frozen peas.Pressing the cold bag to my side,I go into the living room andturn on the TV before I drop onto the sofa.This unsettledfeelingcreeps through my chest and,for a moment,I allow that sense of loneliness to consume me. I've been alonefor what feels like forever. It's a necessary evil, a willing sacrifice,if you like.I've grownaccustomed to thesilence and find myself shying away from people most of the time.Even friendships are fleeting, inconsequential, because no one really cares. We say we care about other people, but we don't. I don't.
The worst thing though...for a while there, I found a certain kinship with Brandon. He became my friendand as troubled and fucked up as he was, we got each other. We understood theshit showgoing on each other's minds, and we existed in thiscompanionablestate that didn't require words. For a second, I let my guard down.I dared to hope that there could be something beyond thislonely existence. I watched him get better. I watched him fall in love with Poppy and stopfightingat The Pit. I wanted that for him.I really fucking didand most of all,I dared to want that for myself. And then it all went to shit.
PTSD. When you're good, you're great and when you're shit, you want to hang yourself.Literally.He hurt Poppyandcouldn't live withhimself, but hecouldn't live without her. Sohe ended it. I can't say I blame him. There have been times when it's looked like such an easy way out for me,too. I'm sure if Brandon had known Poppy waspregnantit would have changed his mind, made him see a way out, or perhaps it would have made it worse—knowing he hurt her while she was pregnant.That'sthething about life, you don't get a replay. There is no rewind. No alternate ending. We make our choices and live with the consequences, so the what ifs become irrelevant,don't they?
I almost resent him for killing himself when he had everything right there. Poppy was ready and waiting to give him the world, willing to ride that storm with him.He didn't know what he had.I would have given anything to have Kiera that willing. That understanding.
I scrub my hand over my jaw, my gaze drifting to the photo album that sits on the bottom shelf of my entertainment system. Filled with reminders of my past: a life I didn’t deserve that was stripped away from me.
I fish my phone from my pocket and pull up Kiera’s number, staring at it. I’m not supposed to call her, but I do it anyway. She’s not home from work yet. I press the button and put the phone to my ear because I just want to hear her voice. After three rings, it goes to voicemail.
“We’re not here right now,” a little girl’s voice—my baby girl’s voice—comes over the line, “but leave a message and we will call you back.”
Clutching the phone in my hand, I close my eyes and inhale. Brandon had no idea what he had…
