9
Hope
The scentof cheap meat and onions drifts across the fairground. I love the fair. I always have. My father was always busy with his work but would always take time out to take me and my sister, Teagan to the fair. I've always loved it. Finn trails behind me, looking completely out of place and uncomfortable. Hisfistsare clenched and his jaw ticks with the tension. His eyes dart around, his body twitching with every noise. A couple of screaming kids run past him and he darts out of their path, glaring at them.
I reach out and grab his hand,threadingmy fingers through his. His expression remains set in that deep scowl while he stares down at ournow linked hands.
"Come on," I say, dragging him towards thebumpercars. He allows me to pull him through the crowds and I know he's probablysulkingabout me holding his hand, but if it keeps him from jumping on someunsuspectingchild, I'll hold his damn hand. I glance at the house of horrors, but quickly decide against it. I can only imagine what he'll do if something or someone jumps out at him, but I can't help but smile at the thought of how annoyed he'd be.Bumpercars. The cage. The Ferris wheel. I pull him over to the booth for the bumper cars and buy two tokens. He stands with his back to the booth, inhaling on his vape pen with his free hand shoved deep in his pocket. His shoulders hunch slightly as he sulks. He looks so far out of his comfort zone.
"This wayFinnley." I jerk my head to the side and he pushes off the booth, following me to the side of the rink.Loudmusic blares and lights flash as kids and adults both whiz around in little sparkly bumper cars. I glance at him and his eyes are narrowed. "Are you okay?" I ask, wondering if I've pushed him a little too far. He nods.
"Yeah. I just don't like noise." Well, shit. It doesn't get much noisier than this place.
"Why not?"
Slowly, he turns his gaze to me. I expect him to come out with some gnarly remark, but instead his eyes just lock on mine, like he’s debating on what to say. "The noise dulls the senses. You can't hear an approaching threat."
"It's the fair, Finn, not a war zone," I try to reassure him. He turns, facing straight ahead as he brings the vape pen to his lips.
"Everywhere is a war zone."
It'stimes like this when he reminds me of Silas, of Brandon. They all have their own set of issues, butfundamentallythey're all just a little bit broken,irreparablyso.
The claxon soundsout and all the bumper cars come to a stop. People climb out and there's a flurry of people pouring from the sides of the ring to claim a car. I jump in a blue one and point at a pink glittery one next to me.
"Get in," I say to Finn. He looks from me to the bumper car andbackagain. "Quickly. Before someone else gets it." I fight a smile. Perhaps it's mean that I find his grouchy ways so amusing. He sighs heavily, his chest rising and falling with the effort, and then he's folding his enormous frame into the little pink bumper car. I try not to laugh, I do. I try. It's when he scowls at me with his legs folded up around his ears that I lose it. I laugh until I can't breathe and tears stream down my face. The claxon goes off again and the disco music starts, but I'm literallyincapacitatedfrom laughing.Bang.I'm jolted forward with such force that I sprawl against the little steering wheel. I glance over my shoulder and see Finn smirking as he reverses and then slams into me again.
"That's not fair!" I shout, pressing my foot down on the accelerator. My bumper car spins in erratic circles. I do a three sixty, passing Finn. "You can't catch..." I spin again, “a girl when she's unaware." Another circle. When I pass Finn, he's laughing. "Mine is broken!" I shout.
"Turn the wheel!" he yells over the music.
Iturnthe wheel and it stops spinning before shooting forward. Finn whizzes off and I start laughing again. He looks so ridiculous. I accidentally drive into a kid and the little fucker flips me off.
"Little cunt," I mutter under my breath.
Finn makesit his mission to smash into me as many times as possible. He also gets flipped off by the ASBO child and his raised eyebrows crack me up.
By the timewe get out of the bumper cars, my face hurts from laughing. A smile graces Finn's lips as he takes my hand and helps me down the steps, to the worn grass. His eyes linger on my face and I feel a hint of a blush creep into my cheeks. "What?"I say.
"Nothing.” He looks away. “I guess I have to buy you your gross candy floss now?"
Ihookmy arm through his, smiling wide as we walk through the crowd. He's still twitchy, but he makes more of an effort to ignore me. I keep him talking, focused on me instead of everyone around him. I have no idea whether it's working, but fuck it.
Iwaitbeside the ball toss stand while he queues for candy floss. He towers over everyone around him, his stance rigid and making him look unapproachable. My phone buzzes. I glance down at the screen:Text Message Silas.My stomach knots and I quickly shove my phone in my pocket, refusing to read it now.I glance up just as Finn walks over to me, his nose wrinkled as he hands me an enormous ball of pink candy floss on a stick. "You realise that is literally just sugar and e numbers, right?"
Forcing a smile, I take it from him. "Yep."
His brows pinchtogether and he squints at me. "What's wrong?"
I pause, my heart picking up for a second. I feel like a rabbit in head lights. How does he even know anything is wrong? "Nothing. I'm fine," I attempt to brush it off, but his face doesn't shift. I spin a piece of candy floss around my finger and shove it in my mouth, slowly sucking the sugary goodness from my finger.
His eyes dropto my lips and he is,without doubt, distracted. "Let's do the Ferris wheel,” I say as I point at the ride towering over the entire fair. And, here comes the scowl.
Itakeoff towards the Ferris wheel. When I glance over my shoulder he's just standing there. "Come on,Finnley. I'll share my candy floss with you."I wavethe pinkpuff throughthe air,laughing athisgrouchy face.
"I'mnotputtingthatshit in my body."He huffs.
"It's okay, big guy. You can keep your muscles." I pat hisbulgingarm as he walks beside me.
