"You always say that," he says. "I never forget you, Hope. Never forget what you say,not a single fucking word."Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous. That word rings through my mind on repeat.
I dig down deep and find some lady balls. "Silas, I'm hanging up and I'm going to sleep," I say.
There's a beat of silence and, for some reason, I wait for his response instead of just hanging up the phone like I should. "I miss you," he says quietly. "I always fucking miss you." His voice trails off until it's nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
I scramble to hang up the phonebefore tossing it on the bed with trembling hands. My heart races in my chest as a lump settles in my throat. This is what Silas does to me. He inflicted a wound that I've come to think I will never fully recover from. At just the sound of his voice, the scab comes off and I start bleeding out alloveragain.Years.This has been going on for years. I should block his number, reject his calls, but I never do because I know just how fucked up he is. Silas could make Brandon look like a trip to Disneyland some days. The difference is, Brandon never set out to hurt Poppy, emotionally or physically. Silas would never physically hurt me but emotionally...emotionally that boy has cut me a thousand times. And yet I keep taking his calls because the part of me that will probably forever be in love with him fears what will happen that one time I don't.
It's this fucked up cycle that damages only me. I feel like I'll constantly be pulled into his chaotic orbit. I hate him. I love him. It's absolute fucking shit.
I flop back against the pillows, but I can't sleep. All I can think of is the pain of his betrayal and my subsequent heartbreak. And then, somewhere in all the rehashed shit show, Finn pops into my mind. I have no idea why but I'll take any distraction from Silas, no matter if it is Finn with his foul moods.
I worry about him. I don't want to see him turn into Silas or Brandon. He can be saved, I know he can. I just have to try harder.
