“How long will the flight be?” she asks.
“Ten hours.” I feel like shit for lying.
I turn off the highway onto an old county road and notice her sit up in the seat. “Max?”
“Huh?”
“This isn’t…” She inhales. “This is…”
I grab onto her knee and squeeze, pressing the gas a little harder. A deer hops out from the brush on the side of the road, freezing in the middle of the lane. I slam on my brakes and lay over the horn. The deer finally frees itself from its daze and skirts off to the field. “Damn deer,” I huff.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I can hear her throat tightening and it fucking kills me.
“Because, I am not a bad person.”
“No, if you do this to me, you are.” There’s an edge of hysteria to her voice. “Do you hear me? If you take me back, you are a horrible person.”
I take the hairpin turn too hard and the tires skid over the shoulder, dirt flying up in the air.
“Max!” She grabs onto my arm, jerking my hand away from the wheel and the car goes flying through thick brush, the limbs scratching the sides of the truck.
“Ava!” I sling her arm away and take control of the wheel. “Stop it.”
“I’ll tell everyone what you did. You’ll go to jail—”
“And at least if I do, it is with a clear conscience.”
I cut the headlights and pull over to the shoulder, gripping the steering wheel so tight I fear it may actually break. I don’t know that I can look at her. “Go,” I say.
She sits in silence, gripping the sides of the chair.
“Go. Do you hear me? Get out of the truck.”
“Please, don’t make me…” she whispers.
“Ava. Get out.” My heart clangs against my ribs.
“Max…”
“Fucking go.” I inhale. “You don’t belong with me. You don’t belong in any of this shit.”
Her cold hands grab at my face, turning my head toward hers. She slams her lips over mine and the salt of her tears slip into my mouth as her delicate fingers trail down my jaw. I open my eyes and stare at her. I want to beg her not to leave me, but I can’t, because nothing about this is right. I may not have chosen this path of destruction and bloodshed, but here I am, and there is no way out.None.And I refuse to drag her any further down this hellhole. I’ve done enough to her.
“But I love you,” she whispers, the statement forcing my eyes shut. My chest is tight, my jaw tense, and my fucking heart threatening to break. I want to tell her I love her, because fuck I do, but instead I reach across her lap and open the door.
“The thing is, Ava,” I swallow because what I am about to say may very well damn near kill me. “Imadeyou love me. It’s all a fucking lie.”
Her brow furrows. “You didn’t make me—”
“There were others. Many others and I made them all love me, too.” And that comment smashes everything I built up in her down to ruins. “Go!” I shout, pointing out of the door. “Fucking go!”
Her chin drops to her chest as she slowly climbs out of the SUV. The second her feet are firmly planted on the ground, I shove the gear into drive, flooring the accelerator, the force slamming the door closed. I watch in the rearview mirror. She stands motionless at the edge of the woods that lead to her house and for the first time since I lost Lila, I want to break the fuck down and cry.
Maybe that girl is exactly what will put me in the grave. I would do anything to save her, to keep her, to take all the things I’ve done to her away. If I had to, I’d give my own fucking life and that is what makes me believe love is actually a real thing. When a selfish man become selfless—that is love. Pure and fucking simple.
And I just let it go.
31
