“I will.” Adam raised his hand. “I’ll take the kids and let Coralie rest at home.”
He couldn’t do that. The way she’d set everything up—the house was holding the children when she couldn’t. And she couldn’t sleep in her own bed. The thought of that bed made her heart race. Andshe couldn’t keep Adam out of his own home. She’d always be sitting to attention, waiting for him to come in, adjusting her face to his face, intuiting his needs and meeting them. The way she had with Richard. Even with Antoinette. The way she had all her life with her dad.We can do this the easy way or the hard way.It hadn’t been easy for her.
“I’ll stay in the flat,” she said. “But I need to see the children. But not too much. And I need to not seeyou. I’m so sorry.”
Daniel put the mugs in the dishwasher as Coralie and Adam both cried.
“For how long?” Adam said.
She didn’t know.
•••
Daniel walked herto the flat past Marks & Spencer, where she stalled and broke down as she considered all the food. Daniel gathered the basics and hustled her out. “I’ll drop round your meals,” he said. “Don’t worry.”
The two flats in the tall terraced house shared a common hallway. Hers was the second of the internal doors. Behind it was a staircase. Dan gestured for her to go up first. She emerged into a light and airy room, combined living area and kitchen. It took just a few moments to take in the rest, a bathroom and a small bedroom with a double bed. It was plain, attractive, and clean.
“This is where Anne and Sally stayed, do you remember? There’s no one in the flat downstairs. You’ve got the whole place to yourself.” Dan put the milk and butter in the fridge. “There’s tea,” he said. “And sugar.”
“How did you learn all this?”
“Being a dumb old landlord?”
“No, being so good at…caring.”
He looked out the window. “I just remember all the times I’ve felt the same as you.”
He left.
She was alone.
•••
The weather wasbeautiful, almost shockingly so. She lay on the white bed in the white bedroom and watched as the sun traveled from one side of the linen duvet to the other. Three thirty; Adam would be picking up Flo from school. How would he manage being on the radio next week without Coralie? Who would have the children? When she tried to think it through, her breathing quickened, and her head started to spin. He would have to solve it. She couldn’t.
cor. Zora texted at five, in the all-lowercase style she had affected since the beginning of Year 9.can i ask you a lil q? where’s the spinny bit of the stick blender?
Coralie could see it in the bottom drawer inside the cake tins as if she were standing right in front of it. But she found she couldn’t reply.
so sorry cor. dad just told me not to disturb you. so sorry about that. love u. zor.
•••
At seven,a message arrived from Adam. One word:Ready.She had asked him not to text too much. But one word? It seemed cold. Was he cold? Was he angry? Did he hate her? After a second, another one arrived.CYK.Okay.It was right this time. It was helpful. She could manage. She walked out of the flat on Graham Road. Five minutes later, she was at her own front door on Wilton Way. Downon the corner, Adam gave her a salute. He walked away, and she went inside. The children had their pajamas on, ready to be put to bed. Reading. Cuddling. At eight, she tiptoed downstairs.Ready, she texted.CYK.
•••
An hour withthem. An hour she could handle. She did it on Saturday night. On Sunday, when she did it again, a note was waiting for her on the bottom step.
Dearest Cor,
Anne and Sally will be arriving tomorrow. They’ll cover after school until after radio on Monday to Thursday. They’re happy to text you when the children are ready for bed.
CYK forever,
Adam
•••
