•••
It became clear,when at eight thirty Zora was still struggling to get to sleep, thatThe Snowmanhad been a bigger mistake than they’d realized. The cold made Zora think about Jack Frost and how the shadows in the room couldbehim. Adam was sitting with his legs stretched across her open bedroom door updating his fantasy football. “Fucking bloodbath, fucking Reds, ruining my life,” he muttered. “Lose, lose, lose—I can’t hack another season like this. If we don’t crush Burnley, I’ll off myself.”
All Zora needed was five straight minutes of calm attention. An hour of keyed-up physical presence but mental and emotional absence wasn’t cutting it.
“Is that Cora-nee?” It was Zora’s voice. She didn’t sound the slightest bit tired.
“I’m here.” Coralie stepped over Adam’s legs. “I can’t see a thing. Call out to me.”
“Cora-nee, Cor, Corrr…” She trailed off in a funny gargle.
“Zora, Zora, I can hear a pigeon in your room!”
“Coooor!”
“No wonder you can’t sleep, look how messy your blankets are. Sit up straight.” She fluffed up the pillows and straightened the duvet. Behind her, she could hear Adam’s knees crack as he heaved himself up and lumbered down the stairs. “Where’s Sparebitty?” The special rabbit kept at Marina’s was called Rabbitty. Sparebitty had been purchased as a secret backup in case Rabbitty got lost. Zora got wise to this, and now Rabbitty was kept in Camden, and Wilton Way fell under what Marina called “Sparebitty’s jurisdiction.”
“She slipped behind the bed.”
“Sparebitty! Naughty!” Coralie pulled her out and tucked herunder Zora’s arm. She sat on the edge of the bed. She could see Zora’s eyes glittering at her. Her nose was so sweet and upturned at the end. “What’s going on in here?”
“I’m not tired.”
“I am. What about you, Sparebitty? God, look at her.” She made the rabbit shake with snores. “Can you hear that?”
Zora smiled, delighted. “Like Dada.”
“Turn her on her side, that’s what I do to Daddy.” Zora carefully did so. “What did you mean today when you said Granny wouldn’t want to steal you away?” Zora’s face was blank. “Remember?” Coralie said. “We were having pizza, and Adam said the GGs wanted to sneak you away with them, and you said Granny wouldn’t. What was that about?”
“Granny likes taking me, but she also likes giving me back.”
“You’re so interesting, Zora—you should write about that tomorrow.” (Zora maintained a semi-regular diary where, in perfect cursive, she confided secrets like “Today Oscar got 2 blue cards” and “I do the lessins but I cant relly swim.”)
“Tomorrow isn’t coming,” she sighed. “I can’t sleep.”
Coralie looked down the corridor of years and saw Zora ending up like her, a lie-in-bed-and-worrier, an awaker-at-four to worry some more. It probably wasn’t appropriate that she attempt to influence this child in any way. The specter of Marina loomed. While rigidly polite, she treated Coralie like Priscilla, her afternoon babysitter: a low-level functionary who nevertheless oversaw an important element of her (Marina’s) life. A year earlier, during a Zora handover before Coralie’s first Christmas with Adam, Marina had hovered near a stack of Fortnum & Mason champagnes, each in a tasteful wooden box. She handed one to Coralie: “Something for under the tree.” Sliding it open in summer to chill for Aperolspritzes, Coralie saw a card she’d missed. “Jason—another year of wonderful clerking. What would I do without you? I hope you and the missus enjoy. From your favorite junior and star of the bar—M. A.” She would picture Jason and the missus reading, with confusion, the card that might have been left for her: “Coralie—thank you for being a bland adjunct to my considerably more interesting life.” Or maybe: “Coralie—you have given me the greatest gift a new girlfriend can give an ex-wife: being someone I can safely ignore.”
What would Marina want her to say to her sleepless child? This kind of thing was the job of a real mother.
“You had a very big day,” Coralie said. “And tomorrow is definitely coming. What would you like for breakfast?”
“Flat pancakes?” (Zora’s term for crêpes, as opposed to “fat pancakes.”)
“You can have flat pancakes. Do you still have Daddy’s birthday card hidden?” Zora nodded. “He’s going to love it—your handwriting’s so good. I’m going down now, but I’ll come up and check on you in ten minutes. I bet you’re asleep when I do.”
“What if I’m not?” In the half-dark, Zora looked very worried.
“If you’re not, nothing bad will happen, I’ll check on you ten minutes after that. Because, you know…” She couldn’t help it. “Sometimes people can’t sleep. It’s perfectly normal and very common. And when you can’t, it’s important not to lie there making yourself feel bad about it. It’s just life.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, sweetheart.” Coralie picked up the rabbit. “Sparebitty, can you give this kiss to Zora?” She kissed the rabbit’s paw, then made the rabbit kiss the girl.
“Night night.”
“Night.”
Downstairs, Adam was getting gherkins out of the jar with his fingers. “Do you want some of…all this?” He gestured at his selection of pickles and bits of cheese.
