“You make it sound so good,” I repeat, “but nothing has changed. You told me at Dal’s reception you didn’t want me to hold onto you. You told me you couldn’t be the man I need. Then, like a disrespectful dog ass nigga, you parade your on-off main bitch in my face. So what’s changed? What, besides three months of being MIA, has changed?! You still won’t let me in. You can’t even tell me where you went. Where the fuck were you?!”
Sadé starts wailing at the sound of my voice rising, and Shaddy goes to get her immediately. I use that to take my leave, grabbing some random clothes off the chaise and locking myself in the bathroom.
A long, hot shower regulates my flailing emotions. As I lather cocoa butter all over myself, I remind myself who the fuck I am.
Macy Desirae Davenport. Accomplished artist. A real no limit soldier. A muva, then a bad bitch right after.
The words of a nigga I never fucked should and could never move me. And the actions of a nigga should and could never dictate mine.
I know I have real feelings for Shaddy. Realer than I’ve ever felt toward anyone who wasn’t kin. But I refuse to be affected by the storms in his mind. It’s one thing to support him as a friend, but the hot and cold, the speaking but not really saying anything… yeah I’m cool.
I nod to myself in the foggy mirror, place my dirty clothes in the hamper, and waltz back into my room feeling much better. Sadé’s in her playpen asleep, while Shaddy’s sitting on the bed, eyes finding mine immediately.
“My bad about doing the most earlier, I was already upset and just went left.”
He clenches his jaw, taking me in as I climb onto the other side of the bed to change the tv to the streaming service I like.
“I gathered that, and I’d like to continue our conversation later. But right now I need to know what was wrong.”
I roll my eyes, going to the search bar to type in the originalDreamgirls. I need some comfort. “You don’tneedto know anything, Shaddy. You were just on some rah rah at your show. I’m not gonna be the cause of you hurting anyone.”
He must have turned behind me because now he’s gathering me in his arms, pulling me until his hard ass, sexy ass body. “You just confirmed a muthafucka done made the last mistake oftheir life by fucking witchu, so now you really gotta tell me. You know it’s nothing to retrace your steps, shorty. You only went to Storyville for book club. It’s nothing to hit up Reem or Ty, prolly Reem, ‘cause I know he brought you home, since YT is banned still. And Reem isn’t gonna lie to me, since he knows Ima fact check whatever he tells me anyway.” He punctuates his little spiel with a kiss on the back of my neck, and I groan.
“Promise me you won’t do anything drastic.”
I close my eyes when he kisses my neck again and smiles against it. “I promise I won’t do anything I think is drastic.”
I open my mouth to tell him that’s not what I said, but he pulls me onto my back and settles himself between my legs. His weight feels good on me, especially when he folds his hands together and rests them and his chin on top of my titties.
“C’mon. You got work in the morning and I know you gone wanna watch the remake right after the original, like you always do.”
He swears he knows me.
And fuck my heart for being happy he’s right.
“I uh, I blocked Brandon. He’s been tripping all weekend, and I’m cool on that. He showed up to Storyville and we had words. Usually I don’t care, but–”
“What you mean y’all had words? The fuck he say to you that had you crying?”
I trace his silky eyebrows, and he melts into me more. Neither of us look away from each other. Neither of us speak until his scowl is gone.
“Just some disrespectful shit. It don’t matter–”
“It does. Shit had you in a tizzy. And if he said something disrespectful I know he got in yo face, too. Where the fuck was Reem?”
“Now you know I’m not these soft bitches you used to, Shaddy. Nigga started talking hot and I kneed his ass. Reem ain’t see shit,and the nigga isn’t worth another body on either one of your hands. It’s handled, I handled it. But I’m still human, and he hurt my feelings.”
Shaddy tucks his lips in for a second. “You not finna tell me what he said huh?”
I avert my eyes. “Just some bullshit about me being a slut,” I mumble.
I don’t look back at Shaddy. I hold my breath, hoping he’d get the hint.
But I’ll probably die before that happens.
He lifts off of me. I close my eyes, thinking he would make me look at him, but he doesn’t.
“Pussy niggas gone always try to break a real woman down to they level by any means. I know you’re human, and it fucked witchu, but know his opinion of you is worth less than dog shit. He can’t comment on no pussy he’s never gotten.”
