Usually I stay quiet. Mace is vocal enough for the both of us. But the dread that usually builds before I go off the deep end has been coming in full force. I’ll know where Sincere has been hiding any day now. I’ve set up all my accounts for everyone, including Beanie. I’ve written everyone a personal letter, telling them how much they mean to me.
I meant what I said to Wyn.
I just wanna be with Raya.
And if I’m being completely honest, I want to be with my OG, my pops, Granddad and Nana, too.
I wanna be with Sean, turning up in the afterlife.
I can’t go on like this anymore. My shoulders hurt from carrying all this shit. I’mtired, bro.
And as much as I recognize that I have so many more day ones still living, Mace is right. No one on earth can fill the hole my family and best friend have left.
And I’m tired of trying.
Mace’s pussy sucks my fingers in as she arches her back off the bed. I draw out her orgasm as much as I can, still playing her like the piano, until her back is back on the comforter, and her legs fall all the way open. I pull my fingers out of her, wiping them on the towel, taking in her flushed face, the sweat that beads on her forehead, the lazy smile parting her lips.
“You’re beautiful when you come, Mace.”
Her breaths stall, as surprise takes over.
Right as her round belly moves.
She heaves herself up, snatching my wrist and placing my palm on her stomach. “Say something else,” she urges.
I go with the first thing I can think of. “I see why you got knocked up, and I’m surprised it ain’t happened sooner.”
Macy barks out laughter. “I have PCOS fool. I wasn’t even supposed to have this–oh! You feel her?”
It feels like Beanie is putting her foot to my hand. I place my other hand on Mace’s stomach, and watch in wonder how it moves and contracts.
“You hear me, Beanie? We still ain’t figured out a name, but you’ll always be a lil bean.”
“I think she likes your voice,” Mace whispers. When I shift my gaze up, tears are pooling in her lids.
When she leans up and pushes her lips onto mine, I jerk back from the electrical charge.
She felt it too, since she’s back on the bed, too, touching her bottom lip.
Fuck. This is my fault. I got sentimental, when I should have stayed clinical.
It was barely anything, most certainly not enough to be a real kiss. No tongue. Not even a pucker.
But it was enough for me to know without a shadow of a doubt that Macy is more than my Ace.
She’s my person.
And what rotten luck she has, being connected to a nigga that’s broken beyond repair. That’s on his way out of here, that succumbed to the black hole that is his mind.
I climb off the bed backwards and avert my eyes. She looks like she’s about to get up, so I bolt out of her room, not stopping until I get to my crib. I throw on a black hoodie and change into some black joggers and my all black chucks and get out of dodge in my green jeep.
I may not be enough for her, but before I go, I’ll make sure all her opps are taken care of. It’s the least I can do.
Those little pills must work wonders the way Daniel Enoch is dipping his dick in any pretty young girl that walks his way. I mean, even getting shot in the leg didn’t slow him down.
I shake my head as I walk up into the apartment complex in West Kenton. Rented and paid for by Dr. Enoch for his main side bitch, a thirty-seven year old admin assistant at Memorial.
I can’t believe this the same nigga who Patience raves about. This nigga is a god to her, and the devil to so many others, particularly my Ace.
