“Bitch, please. You ain’t ready for me to be back outside.”
Nut pushes the elevator button and scowls. Macy’s probably the only person on Earth who can get away with calling Dal a bitch.
That’s just how she talks.
“Sheeit, she may only get one day between you having my niece and her being put up with baby number three, and that’s if she wanna come on time.”
“Patrick–”
“Ion wanna hear it, Choc. I told yo ass my terms and conditions.” He kisses her on the cheek and strolls out the elevator ahead of us.
I hook my arm around Mace’s neck. “You ain’t finna be outside either.”
She elbows my side, pushing me away from her. “Just watch me… yo ass finna be a stay at home dad.”
Yeah, aight.
Sometimes I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing. Thinking about having a kid with Sahara makes my meal come back up. I’m talking, projectile vomiting. Shit, even thinking about living with her makes my armpit itch.
I can pretend like her devolving into a bird is the reason, but that would be a lie. I’ve never wanted to give anyone else the chance to love me one day and leave me the next.
Because then I’d have to murk them. And I already got enough blood on my hands.
It’s actually a relief that Sahara showed me who she was a few years ago. It kept my feelings in check, and I was able to stay detached. I could only imagine how downbad I’d be if she stayed pure.
All my bros are slowly falling in love, crashing out bad.
I mean, Nut’s been a crash dummy, first with Tati, and now with Dal. Same with Turk; him and Autumn have been doing the most over each other since they were sixteen. Ty’s on his way if Van ever gives him a chance, and you can’t convince me that Rico doesn’t have a secret family in Belize that he goes to see every other month.
I was always content with being the fun uncle. I thought Raya would carry on our genes, like Set would for my Washington side, but we make plans, and God laughs.
Stepping in for Mace is like dipping my toe in the pool. It’s no pressure, since she really isn’t my baby mama, and we’re actual friends. She doesn’t look at me and see Shotta, at least not anymore.
But when she did, she wasn’t adding up my net worth. She was a genuine fan of the music. And now, when she sees me, I’m just Shaddy. Her lamaze class partner. Someone who regulates her dairy intake, and watches musicals with her. Someone who isn’t her child’s father biologically, but is in every way that matters.
It’s a choice. Something I can control. Something that I’m finding feels right, hanging with her, rubbing her belly, counting her stretch marks when she’s not looking, and throwing out all the ice cream in the cartons and replacing it with lactose-free while she’s at work.
I pull her by her shirt so Dal and Nut walk ahead of us. She turns, and looks up at me expectantly.
She cut her hair off to a short curly cut a couple months back, but the prenatal vitamins have it growing out fast as hell. A headband keeps her unruly curls out of her face, and the fruity smell of her hair products mix well with her scent.
“You know you my Ace, right?”
Where most girls would soften, Mace just bristles and rolls her eyes.
“Yes, Shaddy, I know you can’t live without me. That’s pretty common.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and step closer to her. “There you go with that attitude again. I’m tryna be nice.”
“By telling me what I already know? You’ve claimed Beanie as yours and rub cocoa butter on my belly three nights a week; I gathered that I’m your best friend. Just don’t tell Brina, please. I’m trying to build a sisterhood with her.”
She cups my face and brings me down to her level to plant a kiss on my cheek, twirls around, and enters Brina’s private suite.
All I can do is shake my head. This girl’s crazy.
When I walk into the suite, I smirk at Set and Nut playing the game on the couch. Just like niggas to bring their console to wait out the labor.
I make my way to Brina, who’s sitting on the bed holding one of her twins. She beams at me, tears swimming in her eyes. I know she’s been crying since they were born.
