And in the arms of one of my favorite rappers, I’ve never felt more safe.
But then the moment’s over, and I wipe my face and scoot off his lap back into my seat on the couch. Something passes on his face, but it’s gone before I can identify it.
“Sorry about that. I’m not much of a crier,” I mumble, wiping my face more.
Ever the cool guy, Shotta just shrugs. “We all need a good cry sometimes. If you tell me ya baby daddy’s name, I’ll make sure he’s crying too.”
I cough out a laugh and shake my head. “Dal told me about your computer powers. No, he’s not even worth the RAM you’d use, or whatever. Besides, he’s not even half the reason why I’m doing the most.”
His jaw clenches and unclenches before he blinks. “Aight. What else is wrong?”
“Why does it matter?” I blurt without thinking.Great. The one time I’m not nervous around this nigga I’m giving him attitude. “I mean… I’m sorry, it’s just… I don’t make it a habit of blabbing my personal business to celebrities.”
Shotta starts to fold his arms, and I think he’s gonna stop once he realizes his shirt is wet from my tears, but he doesn’t. He just folds them, cocks his head, and clenches that jaw of his. He probably grinds his teeth in his sleep.
“Surely I’m more than just Shotta to you by now, right Mace? I mean, we shared a sundae the other night.”
That voice of his… it’s soft like butter, with just a hint of edginess. His lil hood nigga accent isn’t nearly as pronounced as Set’s or Nut’s, but it’s still not girly. Whew, I just know he’s a talker.
“I mean, Iknowyou’re Shad. But you’re also Shotta. One of the hottest rappers out right now! I can’t be telling you my first world problems, that’s for my other rapper friends.”
“You have other rapper friends, Mace?”
I swear his voice just dropped an octave, and now I don’t want to tell him I know some of the Get Money Crew.
I clear my throat and shift on the couch. “If I tell you why I was crying, you can’t laugh… it’s pretty dumb.”
He takes me in for a long moment before he blinks and nods. “I won’t.”
I sigh. “I start lamaze next week and Dal offered to go since I don’t have a baby daddy, and I didn’t want everyone to think we’re lesbos.”
Even hearing myself, it sounds stupid. So I’m not surprised when Shad scrunches his face.
“What’s wrong with being a lesbian?”
“Nothing!” I stammer. “I mean, I kissed a girl once. It’s not that… I just…” I rub my palm over my curls, but my heart is still two stepping in my chest hard.
“I just never thought my daughter would be fatherless like me,” I whisper.
When I chance a look at Shotta, his hennessy eyes are staring right through me. Not hard, not soft, but intense all the same.
I clear my throat. “My daddy died when I was a baby. And my little bean’s sperm donor doesn’t want her. Shit, I didn’t even think I’d be able to have kids… and now I feel like I’m failing at this mom thing already.”
“Lamaze… birthing classes right?”
I nod, not really knowing where this is going.
“What day next week?” he takes out his phone and starts tapping. Okay, rudeness.
PC would never.
“Uh, Saturday morning.”
He taps his screen a couple more times before putting his phone away. “Fasho. My schedule’s clear, so I can take you.”
A record scratches in my brain.
What?
