I can’t imagine having to kill your best friend. Even if the nigga was a snake this whole time.
There’s still speckles of good hidden underneath the bad. And my poor Shaddy, he’s the type to latch onto the little bit of good in people no matter what.
But all I can do is what I've been doing. Showing him I’m here, and he doesn’t have to be alone, even when he puts himself first.
And I think he’s finally getting it.
“There’s something I wanna play you. Both of you.”
He sits up, bringing me with him. When I look over, Sadé’s already sitting up, peering at us.
Her lips spread, showing those gums when Shaddy reaches for her. I’ll never get tired of seeing how much they love each other.
He settles her into his lap before grabbing my phone and unlocking it.
“I was counting on you never opening your email, and I was right. Who knows how many opportunities you’ve missed,” he murmurs, shaking his head.
I kiss my teeth. “That’s not my professional email. I answer those.”
He gives me a look that saysyeah aightbefore opening an email I for sure would have never seen. There’s ten audio files in it, all numerically named except the eighth one, titledMuse.
“My next album is gonna be two sides. The B side is all R&B. I, uh, wrote a lot while I was gone. Comp books full of songs about you and Sadé, and how much y’all mean to me. I wanted you both to hear them first, so you know that no matter when I was drowning, or playing up, or plotting, you and Sadé were and are always at the front and back of my mind.”
He clicks the first song, and a gorgeous piano melody starts before he begins to harmonize.
He soundsamazing.
“You can play instruments?”
He shakes his head. “I know a little piano and guitar, but Cap and Jonesy are the real musicians. Cap taught me enough to do the By Your Side cover.”
I grab the hand Sadé isn’t playing with and hold it as he plays song after song for us.Museis the least abstract; anyone who knows us would know he’s definitely talking about me, and is instantly my favorite.
God, who knew my tatted up computer nerd psycho gangsta could be so romantic?
My lip is trembling as the last notes of the last song end, and Sadé starts climbing over Shaddy’s legs to get to me. I pick her up, and her little chubby hands start trying to whack the tears away, making us laugh.
“Your daddy is the sweetest man in the universe, my girl,” I whisper, giving her a kiss.
“You the best thing that has ever happened to me, Mace. I don’t know how you can call me on my shit while still being my safe space, but you do it. You changed my life, man. In my darkest days, your light keeps me from getting lost. You remind me to pour into myself, and make space for myself… you never let up on me. So I’ll never let up on you.”
“Oh, brother,” I grumble. I know what that’s code for.
He smirks at me. “Our shit ain’t perfect, but it’s ours. And in this life and the next, I got you.”
I shift my gaze to Shaddy, my favorite rapper, my favorite singer, my favorite man.
“I love you.”
His eyes soften immediately as he locks my phone and pushes it out of the way. He cups both sides of my face, bringing my lips to his. “I love you, too,” he mutters across them.
“We need our own place. The things I wanna do to you are downright unholy, and I don’t need any comments from the Peanut Gallery.”
Shad nods, giving me another heartstopping kiss. “I’ll get on that as soon as we get back from Northupton. Maybe your mom would wanna move down here, too?”
See? This is why I love him. This nigga got me wanting to jump on a fucking couch and scream about it!
So fucking thoughtful.
