“I love you too, B.”
She nods, before walking to my jeep. I follow Set to his Audi and get in the passenger side. He doesn’t pull off until Brina does, but turns right after Brina and Nut turn left.
I can’t help but look over at his right hand as he drives. His ring and pinky fingers don’t curve over the steering wheel as much as the other three, and after a while he switches to his left hand.
“How’s physical therapy?”
“It’s straight,” he replies. “They saying it’s better than they thought it would be. One of the bitches call herself liking me until B came one morning and pressed the fuck out of her. I got switched to this stud the next time.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Y’all both crazy.”
Set scoffs. “Yo ass was just with me snatching Mace out the club. Safe to say you just as crazy as me, too, Dub.”
Shit, when the nigga’s right, he’s right.
Soon, we’re parked behind the Center and I follow him across the courts to the bleachers closest to the buildings. We take a seat at the top, overlooking everything. It’s early afternoon, so it’s only young niggas around playing a game and hanging out. Once school’s out, it’ll be way more kids around, and the ice cream truck will come, too. If we’re around, we usually buy it out for everyone, but we haven’t been this way in awhile, not on the courts at least.
“A little over fifteen years ago,” Set begins, “the nigga who I thought was my Pops told me my lil brother was finna start spending weekends with us. Then I see you, scrawny, green ass nigga with lil cockroaches coming out his head and fucking glasses.” He chuckles, before pulling a blunt capsule and lighter out his pocket. He takes a wood out of the capsule and lights it, inhaling deep.
After he blows smoke away from us, he says, “I was already annoyed I was finna have to protect you from getting yo ass beat…until you laid out niggas twice yo size ‘cause they was bullying a bitch ass nigga. Wouldn’t stop until I grabbed you up. I knew then you had a heart too good for this world, and then I knew I really had to protect you and made sure your heart stayed pure. Every time you had to pull the shotty out, every time you fought someone, or did some shit with Sean, I was scared that would be the thing that would taint you. Then all that shit happened with B and I stopped checking on you. Then she hooked up with Sincere and I turned my back on you, something I told myself and you I would never do.”
He hits his wood one more time before passing it to me. “I said some crazy shit to you, Shad. Shit I would have murked you over if it was switched. And I thought ‘cause we’re brothers, we could just move forward without addressing it, but I’m seeing it’s not the case. So foreal, Shaddy, I’m sorry. You my brother,no matter what you do or say. You could lay me out and you still my brother. And you don’t gotta hide you’re in pain. Quiet as it's kept, I miss Bishop’s ass too.”
I choke on some smoke, not expecting that. “Yeah?”
He snatches the wood from me. “Yeah. I mean, he a bitch nigga, but I thought he was my pops for twenty-three years. Hella memories gone, ‘cause he went out sad over Tiny’s ass. But I’m still human, and before all that, he was decent. Shit, he brought us together.”
His heavy ass hand slaps my back, before he grabs my shoulder and brings me closer to him into a side hug. “You not alone, bro. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you if I can help it. So if you need me, no matter the time, you call me. I’ll come running like I always have.”
Nigga keeps me in a semi headlock as we watch over the courts. And right there, by where we first bonded, I accept his promise and know he means it.
Almost everyone’s seated around Nut’s formal dining room table, with me at the head; Set, B, Nut, Dal, Reem, Rico, Ty, and Mace. YP and YC take up the chairs in the opposite corners, with YT leaning on YP’s shoulder.
I glance at Mace, and she gives me a quick smile.
“Aight, so… I’ve always, I don’t know, had these sad spells, even as a young shorty. But my OG was adamant about me never going to see someone about it. Then, you know, shit been building and building, and I, uh, I couldn’t handle it.” I scratch the back of my neck, not keeping my eyes on one person for too long.
“I even started setting shit up for when I wouldn’t be here. But then, I had a breakthrough, and enrolled myself in a treatment program, where I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I’m on an antidepressant now, and it don’t take all my shit away, but it does level me out, and make it manageable with therapy and recognizing and avoiding triggers. So yeah, that’s where I was.”
Macy reaches over and grabs my hand with both of hers. I lift them up and kiss her knuckles like I find myself doing more often.
“Anything you need from us?” Reem asks.
I lick my lips. “Nah. Just y’all being here for me, that’s enough. I still have my days, but therapy’s helping.”
“Go figure,” Wyn says, breezing in. Autumn, Turk, and Pay come in after her, with the girls coming to hug me and kiss all over my face like I’m their firstborn.
Turk takes the empty seat next to Set and pulls Autumn into his lap. Set whispers to them, and they both look toward me. Pay and Wyn lean against the wall.
Wyn grins at me. “Finally made good on your promise huh?”
“Yeah, so it’s on you, now.”
She rolls her eyes but can’t get rid of her smile. This is something we talked about for a long time. Long nights in the studio bonded us, grinding for a way out of the bullshit in our heads, and thinking money and fame was the way.
“Your antidepressants… you think they work?” Auty asks. Turk tightens his hold on her waist, as she peers at me almost hopefully.
“I do, Auty. I mean, they won’t make Raya come back, but it makes the depressive episodes easier to deal with. That, and exercising.”
