"I don't know.I don't remember that time in my life."
"Was it your parents?"
"No.I'm adopted and it was there before they got me.It was there even before I went into foster care."
Adopted?Foster Care?The fuck?
I roll off of her so that she can turn to face me.
"What else don't I know?"
"I don't know.A lot, maybe.We still haven't known each other that long and it's been kind of intense.We haven't done all the tragic backstory stuff."
"We're doing it now.Why didn't you tell me that you were adopted?"
"You didn't ask, and it didn't come up.It didn't seem important enough to mention at the time."
Hmm...it didn't seem important enough to mention that she spent time living with strangers after what?Abandonment?Abuse?And 'oh, by the way, she's been brutally tortured'.Right.
Quirking a brow and narrowing my eyes, I silently let her know that this explanation isn't good enough.She heaves a deep sigh and begins.
"I was found.When I was 14.I was wandering in the street and looked to be in pretty rough shape from what I've read in my file.I had quite a few fresh injuries.It's the first memory I have."
Stay still.Stay silent.Stay calm.Breathe.
"A policeman found me and couldn't get me to speak, so he brought me to the hospital.I was malnourished and had a vitamin D deficiency.A few fresh cuts, some bruises, and a pretty significant knot on my head.There were some old scars.Nothing like the one that's on my back though.I had a couple of healed rib fractures, and my left arm had been broken and healed in two places.Everything healed well, so those things may have been treated.I couldn't tell them anything about where I had come from or where I'd been, and no one came forward to claim me.No one recognized me and no one wanted me."
How can that be true?It can't.I don't know what happened, but I know someone was looking for this girl.
"Pretty soon after that, I went into foster care.I wasn't the easiest keeper, so I was transferred through a few homes.No one treated me badly.They just couldn't handle me.I was labeled by my case workers as aggressive when pressured and a runner.Evidently, I would respond too violently if I felt threatened and I never stayed in one place too long.I would sneak out and run away.The families never wanted me back after those episodes."
Violent?I haven't seen it, but I know it's there.I can sense it.I've witnessed the runner in her.I shudder at the memory.
"Finally, in high school, I showed some promise in volleyball.It got me noticed locally and my story kind of got around.Not about how I was found or what I was like in foster homes.Just that I was available for adoption, and I showed 'expert level flair at the net'.It wasn't long after that when the Masons adopted me.I've been with them for over two years now.And that's it.That's my story."
"What about the other stuff?How you are around people."
She flops her head back onto the pillow and scoots closer to me so she can press her cheek against my chest."You already know that I don't like groups of people, but that stuff started later.I didn't actually develop the anxiety until after I was adopted.I don't know why.Something about the change in environment and rebelling against stability."
I don't even have to ask where that head-talk bullshit originated.Her psychologist is obviously the source of this nonsense.
Anyway so, what you probably don't know is that I also don't like to be touched.I don't know why...I just don't like it.I never have.It's uncomfortable.Not with you though.When you touch me...even the very first time that you touched me...I felt...I don't know.....I just felt...a lot.When other people touch me, it's overstimulating and I feel tension all over my body."
Funny, I don't want her to be touched either.Although, I'll feel a lot more than tension if someone tries.So will they.
These feelings can't stand.My strong, beautiful, intelligent girl is not going to feel like she's less than she is just because of the company that she's in.She is going to get past this, and I am going to help her do it.
"What do you feel when you're around groups of people?"
"Fear.I know most people think social anxiety revolves around the fear of being judged by other people and it can be but that's not what it is for me.I feel fear, like I need to be hyper-vigilant for my own safety.I really don't understand it myself because, face to face, I'm really not scared of people and when I'm pressured, my first response is fight, not flight."
I can't help but laugh at this.Her feisty friend Vaughn has this same response.This may have something to do with why Eve's roommate has been her first real friend in all these years.The real question is,why doesn't she remember what happened to her?And WHAT was so traumatic that she blocked it out?That carving in her back is gruesome.My hands tingle at the sight of it, and I want to ruin someone, everyone.Even though she doesn't remember it, I want to take that pain from her.
"What's so funny?"
"You fighters like to stick together.Your little friend, Vaughn...she's a fighter too.The moment she heard Ace's voice from outside her door that day, she lost all sense of decency and became a rabid spider monkey.She flew through the air and started throwing punches before she even knew what she was hitting."
Her soft chuckle calms me, warming my cold heart from the inside out.
