Page 23 of To Hades & Back
Our Sprinter was parked close to the front, and the driver was still there. He stood up from where he leaned on it. When I told him to take me back to the house, he nodded. He must have felt my angst because he rushed to the driver’s side. Jin’jer climbed in after I opened the door for her. The entire ride back to the house, no words were spoken, but her hand stayed on the back of my head in a rubbing motion. She was my peace.
THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING…
It washot as hell in here. I felt the sweat all over my body as I lay in the bed. My head pounded as if I wasn’t asleep, but I was. Tonight, peaceful sleep was a wish. My dreams kept peace away.
“I… I don’t want to do that. I want to go play with my brothers,” I whined. We were at Julianna’s house because the bike club had some business to handle, and she volunteered to watch us. I had gotten in trouble for taking candy from the corner store, so she told me that I couldn’t go outside to play with my brothers.
Every summer, my parents would send me and my siblings up to New York to spend time with my grandfather. I used tolove coming, but now I hated it. The second that we got onto the plane to come here, I was ready to go home.
“Come on, Hades. Doesn’t it always feel good? This is how you become a man. Let me make you a man,” Julianna cooed.
“Hades!” Jin’jer’s voice jolted me out of a dream that I never wished I was in. Before we got into the bed, when she asked me about what happened at the gala or more like why it happened, I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it.
My back shot up from the bed. When Jin’jer touched my chest, I smacked her hand away. It was like I knew it was her, but I didn’t. “Don’t touch me.”
She held her hands up in surrender. Her brows stitched together, but her eyes remained soft. “Hades, baby, look at me.” It took a minute, but when I did, she gave me a faint smile. “It’s me, baby. it’s Jin’jer Elle. It’s me.”
She didn’t move. I stared at her for a beat before I broke out of my daze. She jumped when I reached for her but still let me grab her arm to pull her to me. We wrapped our arms around each other. She rubbed my back while she told me to calm down. My breathing was sporadic. As she rubbed my back, my breathing slowed.
We sat there for what felt like hours. It may have been hours for all I know. Jin’jer kissed my temple. “Do you want to tell me about what happened at the gala?”
I thought she would ask me about my dream. This was the woman that I loved, trusted, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She was my peace and heart in human form. Even with all that being said, could I trust her with the biggest disgraceful secret of my life? We sat there for a while before I finally broke the silence. “Julianna started messing with me when I was eight years old.”
Jin’jer’s arms tightened around my body. I felt her breath hitch. “When you sayshe messed with you, what do you mean, baby?”
After a deep breath, I responded. “She like, touched me and did shit like that. You know, gave me head and shit like that. Eventually, she made me do shit to her too. She . . . she was the first female that I had sex with.”
The wetness from her tears hit my shoulder. She buried her face into my neck for a moment. It wasn’t until a tear hit my chest that I realized that I was crying too. “How long did she do that, Hades?” Jin’jer asked after she took her face from my neck.
“We went up there every summer since I was like six or something. It started when I was eight like I said. It didn’t stop until I was twelve when I told my parents that I didn’t want to go there anymore. I told them that I wanted to spend more time in Greece with my cousins there. My mother thought it was a good idea, so the next summer, we started spending time there instead,” I told her.
“Wh-why didn’t you tell your parents? Do your brothers and sisters know?” she asked me. That was a good question.
I shook my head. “Nah, I didn’t tell anyone. She told me that if I told anyone about it that it would mean I was gay and scared of pussy,” I said with a chuckle. “It’s crazy because I’ve heard dudes talk about how they lost their virginity young as fuck to a grown ass woman, and they talk about it like it was some honor. Like, what kind of twenty-five-year-old fucks on an eight-year-old? She made sure there was always a reason for me to be alone with her. Shit was crazy.”
I’d heard so many stories from men about how they lost their virginity. While they had pride in losing theirs at twelve, thirteen, and shit, I was ashamed. I lied about my shit and told them that I was fifteen. Jin’jer’s voice bombarded my thoughts.“Um, is that why you treated women the way you did before me?”
I chuckled. “I mean, I never really thought about it. Shit, I guess it was.” I quickly thought about the first girl I really dealt with after the bullshit. “I had my first and only girlfriend before you when I was fifteen. She’s the one that I claimed that I lost my virginity to. Iris Artii.”
The fact that I remembered that bitch’s name was bothersome to me. Jin’jer asked me what happened with her. “I met her during one of our summer trips to Greece. We hung out all the time. For sixteen, she was aggressive as fuck, which I guess was triggering for me. The first time she did anything sexual to me, my dick wouldn’t get hard. When she tried again another time, it got hard but didn’t stay.
“That shit was tragic as fuck, but it was something that I couldn’t help at the time. Every time she touched me, I thought about Julianna. I would tell her to chill and shit.” I shook my head at the memory. “She would tell me it was cool, and we’d try again. Well, one day, I caught her having sex with another boy, and I heard her say, ‘O Ádis, fovátai to mouní. Prépei na eínai nkéi.’ That shit pissed me the fuck off.”
“What does that mean, baby? You know good and well the only Greek words I know isse agapó (I love you).” We both tittered lowly. My baby recently asked if she could sit with the tutor to learn the language too. That made me fall more in love with her.
“Ki egó se agapó (I love you too). It means‘Hades is scared of the pussy. He must be gay.’When I heard her say that, it was like it triggered something in me. I went home and watched so much fucking porn just to get my shit together. The next week, she invited me over, and I fucked what I thought was the shit out of her. That started my lifestyle of bitches ain’t shit.”
My first two sexual experiences were fucked up. Her ass was for everyone, and my stupid ass was out there claiming her like she was some prize. It made sense why I used to get laughed at by the boys in the village. When my siblings and I were in Greece, we only spoke Greek in our aunt’s house. No one in the village knew that we spoke fluent Greek, and that was how we wanted it. When people didn’t think you knew their language, they would talk about you to other people who did truthfully.
“Baby, um, I think you should tell your family what happened. It’s time for them to know. We still have a few days here, and it seems like that bitch is going to be around. I need them to know the reason I jump on her ass when I see her again,” she spoke venomously.
I tilted my head up to see her face. Her scowl was deep but sexy as hell. I couldn’t hold my laughter. “Nah, they don’t need to know that shit. That shit happened forever ago,” I told her after my laughter subsided.
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. “Hades, it may have happened a long time ago, but it still affects you today. Baby, you put your hands on that woman. It caused Zeus and you to get into a real fight. That bitch doesn’t seem like the type of woman that has chill because after you pushed her down, she should have got the fuck on. Hell, after you told her don’t touch you the first time, she should have read the room.” Her tone was heavy.
I thought about what she said. I knew that my parents and grandfather were not going to let it go without at least a conversation. Zeus and I went to blows, so I knew that it wasn’t going to just go away. With a huff, I told her that I would sleep on it; that was if I could sleep. I knew my actions at the gala would need to be addressed. The question was whether I would be strong enough to tell my shame.
LATER THE SAME DAY…
