“Yes, that’s it.” He chuckles as if the memory is still fresh in his mind.
“Yeah. Logan is a prick.”
The absurdity of the situation makes me laugh. I can’t believe I let Logan get under my skin again. He’s done enough damage to my life. Never again, I vow.
32
emily
“Ithink I’m dying,” I pant as I collapse on the floor of the gym. The workout of the day included multiple rounds of burpees and lunges with some lightweight lifting exercises. While I don’t mind weightlifting, I loathe burpees and lunges with a passion. I’m not surprised that the workout kicked my ass, but I have never felt this sick after a brutal workout before.
“You okay?” Maggie asks as she sits down next to me and sips her water. She hands me my protein shake, and I sit up to take a sip before lying back down on the ground.
“I feel like shit.” Panting heavily, I can’t seem to catch my breath, and the room feels like it’s spinning. “I’ll just lay here until I die.”
Maggie laughs at my antics, and we catch up on work gossip. The mood shifts, a palpable tension hanging in the air, and I brace myself for what she’s about to say.
“Have you heard from Logan since ‘the incident’?” Maggie frowns.
The memory of my ex makes my skin crawl with revulsion.
“No, thank God. He’s stopped texting me finally. It’s almost like he’s disappeared.”
My breaths have returned to normal, and the racing in my chest has subsided. The dizziness has diminished, but the mention of Logan makes me queasy. When I finally peel myself off the ground, I feel a little better.
“I still can’t believe he confronted you like that. And in public!”
“Yeah, me neither. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s almost like he hates seeing that you’re happy and don’t need him anymore.”
“I never thought of it like that before.”
Lost in thought, my brows knit together. Was Logan trying to manipulate me by making me doubt Ben’s character? A few months ago, my loyalty to Logan clouded my judgment. I never would have thought Logan could be so deceitful, but now, away from his spell, his dishonesty is shockingly clear. The coldness in his eyes, the hollow ring to his voice. These things were always there. I just couldn’t see them before.
“Well, I’m glad he’s finally out of the picture, so you can move on with your life. He’s been such a deadweight,” Maggie continues. “You ready to get outta here?”
I nod and drag myself to standing.
“Ugh, I think I gained some weight.” The swelling around my midsection is causing me a lot of discomfort; it feels distended. My clothes have been feeling snug, and I feel uncomfortable in my body.
“I don’t know how that’s possible. You work out all the time!” Megan replies, then adds, “Maybe you’re just bloated. I always get bloated when it’s time for my period.”
I nod as I try to remember the last time I had my period. It’s usually pretty regular, so I never keep track of it, but I should have had it a few weeks ago. I try not to let the rising panic take hold as we grab our things and head out. We usually grabbreakfast at the local diner once a month, but I suddenly feel anxious and queasy.
“I’m gonna pass on breakfast, but I’ll see you at work tomorrow!” We hug and say our goodbyes as I jump in the car. I try not to speed as I head to the nearest convenience store. Once inside the store, I casually walk to the pharmacy area, where the pregnancy tests are lined up on the shelves. There are so many options, but I go for the digital one that will clearly tell me if I’m being over dramatic or not.
The cashier checks me out, and as she’s bagging the test along with some snacks I added last-minute, she tells me, “Good luck, and I hope you get the answer you want!”
I grab the bag she hands me and stroll out of the store. What answer do I want? I’m thirty years old, but am I ready for kids? How do I tell Ben? A million thoughts run through my mind as I drive back to the apartment.
I’m so worked up by the time I get home that I can’t even pee on the damn stick. I grab a bottle of water from the pantry and chug it before hopping into the shower. I work through different scenarios as I wash my long hair. The lavender scent of the shampoo is soothing and helps me center myself. By the time I’m washing out the conditioner in my hair, I’ve decided that no matter the test results, I know I can handle it.
That we can handle it. Together.
Grabbing a towel and drying off, I wrap it around my body and finally plop on the toilet seat. After verifying the instructions, I pee on the stick and carefully replace the cap as I set an alarm for the mandatory two minutes. I finish drying off and get dressed so I don’t sit and glare at the test. I’m sure that will somehow alter the results.
I’m fully dressed by the time my alarm goes off. I turn it off with a swipe and take a deep breath to center myself. Rolling myneck and shaking out my arms, I finally gain the courage to pick up the stick.
