“We’re just friends,” I deny and then rush out of the room. I don’t miss Amanda’s wink at my denial. I was always a terrible liar.
29
emily
The weeks fly by as winter gives way to spring. I know the warming weather is only a small part of why I’m feeling hopeful and refreshed lately. It might have something to do with my career change, which has been less soul-sucking and more of what I imagined myself doing when I went to school to be a nurse. I feel like the work I do has measurable outcomes in terms of people getting better and being able to move on with their lives. Don’t get me wrong; there are many sad cases of patients not surviving the trauma their bodies endured, and some lives are lost, but the happy endings keep me going.
It probably also has to do with my handsome roommate, who has been spending more time in my bed than his own. His bedroom acts more like a closet than a sleeping space at this point. You won’t hear me complaining about it. I’m getting spoiled with his attention, and the early morning orgasms help set the mood for the rest of the day.
We have been lost in our own world, stuck inside an insulated bubble of our own making, and while we planned to explore our new town, we spent most of our time together in our cozy apartment. We alternate between watching movies orthe latest documentary series, playing Mario Kart, or quietly spending time on the couch together. I like to read with my feet resting in his lap while he settles in with his laptop to get some work done. Regardless of what we’re doing, we’re almost always touching each other. It’s like we both can’t get enough of the other. And, mostly, we can now go at least several hours before we’re both naked.
However, he’s banned from the sunroom during my yoga practice because the sight of me in downward dog is too tempting for him to resist. The constant feeling of eyes on your ass makes achieving a state of zen nearly impossible. Of course, I don’t help matters by taunting him with provocative poses—slow, deliberate movements meant to ignite the smoldering embers of his already simmering arousal. The way his jaw clenches, his eyes darkening with barely suppressed desire, sends an illicit thrill through me. I know I’m playing with fire.
Tonight, we have plans to go to a surprise birthday party my best friend from college, Nikki, is throwing for her fiancé, Chris. Chris is turning thirty at the end of the month, and they’re getting married next winter. I still haven’t told her about Ben, and the last time I saw the pair was at our party a couple of months ago. It’s not that I’m ashamed of how things progressed. If anything, I’ve been protective of our time together. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Ben better without the world weighing in on our unconventional union. I know people will have opinions. I just don’t want to hear them.
We’re both happy and don’t expect more from each other. It’s a mutual understanding, given how we ended up under the same roof. I’m sure we will have to discuss it eventually, but there’s no rush.
Ben drives us to the clubhouse that Nikki rented for the party. Since it’s a surprise party, she had asked everyone to park on the backside of the building. We brought desserts,which Ben grabs from his trunk before putting an arm around my shoulders. He only lets go of me to open the door for me. The space is large and already mostly decorated. Nikki sees me coming in and runs over to give me a big hug.
“Hey, you guys! I’m so happy you’re here!” She ushers us in and instructs us on where to put the desserts. She also puts us to work on finishing the decorations. Before we know it, she’s telling everyone to be quiet as Chris is about to walk in. When the door opens, everyone shouts an exuberant “surprise” to a shocked Chris before Nikki wanders over, and they embrace. It’s a touching moment between them, and they break apart to greet the rest of the guests.
While the partygoers are mostly Nikki and Chris’ friends, whom I’m familiar with, Ben is less acquainted with the people at the party. Even though he doesn’t know most of the people here, he seems at ease making conversations and meeting new people. I didn’t even realize I was worrying about him being around people he didn’t know and thought he’d be stuck to my side the whole time. It reminds me of how Logan acted in these types of scenarios and how he always pouted about not knowing anyone.
We spend the time talking to Nikki and Chris and playing drinking games. Ben and I partner up to play beer pong, and though we lose horribly, it is the most fun I’ve had playing this game in a while. He hugs me and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before breaking apart. I get lost in the moment and don’t even think about it until Nikki gasps and yells across the room, “I knew it!”
I turn guiltily to her and give her a sheepish smile and shrug. She grabs my arm and gives Ben a stern look before pulling me to a corner of the room.
“Spill!” she demands.
I hold up my hands in a placating gesture but end up telling her everything. When I’m done, I let out a breath of relief. It feels good to finally tell someone. I know Nikki isn’t the type of person to judge, but it wasn’t how I had wanted people to find out about us.
“Is he good to you?” she asks, the concern evident on her face. Nikki has been my best friend since freshman year of college. She’s seen me go through so many ups and downs in that time. I know she’s only worried about me and wants what’s best for me.
“Yes. He’s so good to me,” I respond without hesitation.
“I always knew you guys would end up together.” The confusion must be apparent on my face as she continues, “You and Logan never made sense together. Your personalities clashed. You’re hot, and he’s cold. He was also a jerk.” She gives me a knowing look, and I nod in agreement. I’m done making excuses for Logan. He had been a shitty boyfriend and an awful friend to me.
“But Ben is like your perfect match. It’s like you’re two peas in a pod. Cut from the same cloth. And I can see he makes you happy.” Nikki tears up as she holds my hands. I sniff at the unexpected warmth that spreads through my chest at her insight.
She hugs me and tells me she can’t wait for our wedding invite before bouncing away to talk to the other guests. I’m left with my thoughts reeling. How long did people know that Logan and I wouldn’t make it? Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner? Could I have saved myself some heartbreak and embarrassment? Or did it all happen as it should?
I know what she means about Logan. He was stiff and awkward in most situations. He always felt uncomfortable in a crowd of people he didn’t know. I always wondered if it had anything to do with being a cop and seeing the seedier side ofhumanity. Logan had always preferred spending time with his friends.
I never noticed how it impacted me until I saw how Ben blends in effortlessly with virtual strangers. He’s friendly to everyone he meets. Ben strikes up conversation with anyone and has a way of making you feel like the center of his attention. I watch him in awe as he talks to Sasha, who is hanging on to his every word.
I’m lost in thought for the rest of the night and am quiet on the short ride back to our apartment. Ben holds my hand as he drives but otherwise leaves me alone to my own thoughts. When we get inside our apartment, he turns to me, gives me a big bear hug, and kisses the top of my head.
“Penny for your thoughts?” He pulls away and looks at me worriedly.
“Nikki knows about us,” I say simply, and he smiles softly.
“Yeah, I know. She talked to me, too.”
I raise my eyebrows. I don’t remember seeing them talking.
“You were in the bathroom,” he clarifies before continuing, “She wanted to let me know that if I hurt you, she’d cut off my balls and make me eat them.” He winces and cups a hand around his genitals. “I believe her.”
I laugh and reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him. When our lips part, we share a smile before I ask tentatively, “Are you okay with people knowing about us being together?”
