“What about me?” he queries.
“Do you…do you miss Melissa?”
Ben tilts his head as if assessing me before answering with a short and perfunctory “No.”
“Oh.”
It’s quiet for a moment before he continues, “I don’t miss her because I don’t love her. I stopped being in love with her a long time ago. I stuck with her for so long because I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“Oh. Right, that makes sense.” Does it, though?
“We dragged our relationship out way longer than we should have. I will always regret that, but I don’t regret where it’s led me.”
“And where’s that?” I ask, curious.
“I’m here with you.”
I feel a blush creeping up my neck. I hope I don’t look as flushed as I feel. The server comes over with our check at that moment, and I reach to grab it, but Ben snatches it away before I can. He glares at me as he gives the server his card before walking away.
We sit in tense silence until the server returns with the check. Ben signs it jerkily, and I gather up my coat and put it on. The walk back to our apartment feels taut with tension. I’m afraid to say anything. I can’t tell what mood Ben is in now, but I get the sense that we’re both about to implode with the slightest provocation.
When we’re back in the apartment, Ben helps me get out of my coat. His hands on my shoulders feel hot, and my body feels heavy. I chalk it up to the glass of wine we had with dinner. Just as I’m about to turn away, Ben grabs my hand, and I turn around to face him. He backs me up against the wall, and my breath catches in my throat.
He leans his head down, his nose skimming my ear as he takes a deep breath. My heart is pounding as I feel his soft lips gently brush over my cheek before he pulls back slightly. I’m staring at his lips as he pokes his tongue out and licks his lips as if he’s trying to take the taste of me into him. My eyes move up to meet his. He inhales deeply, his nostrils flaring and pupils dilating.
“Fuck it,” he growls as his hand reaches up to grip the back of my head and tilts my face up to meet his. Our lips collide like two storm clouds, and I feel the thundering boom ricochet inside my chest. He kisses me like he’s been dying for a taste of me. His tongue roughly parts my lips and delves into my mouth. I moan at the intrusion, a rush of pleasure shooting straight to my clit. My hands come up to grip his biceps as he explores my mouth. He tastes sweet with a touch of smokiness, like the molten chocolate lava cake mixed with his whiskey.
If the wall wasn’t at my back, I have no doubts that my shaky knees would have collapsed, and I would be a puddle on the floor. Suddenly, he pulls away, and we’re both breathing heavily as he rests his forehead against mine. His kiss softens, but the stiffness in his shoulders and the barely perceptible tremor in his hands reveal the fierce restraint he struggles to maintain. My hands make their way up into his dark, soft hair as we continue to kiss like our lives depend on it.
When he pulls away next, he has a question in his eyes, as if to ask me if I’m okay with everything. He must see the answer he’s looking for because he takes my hand and leads me back into our apartment. We say nothing as we head upstairs. He lets go of my hand so I can use the restroom, where I brush my teeth and wash my face with cold water to cool down my body temperature. Looking in the mirror, I see my face is flushed, my pupils are dilated, and my lips are swollen from the kiss. I raise my fingers to touch my lips gently as the warmth of butterflies fills my belly.
I take a deep breath and square my shoulders before opening the bathroom door. He’s outside the door, already waiting for me, which seems to be a habit of his. He’s watching me closely and gestures with his head to my bedroom.
Okay, looks like we’re going to take this back to my room. He doesn’t follow me right away as he heads into the bathroom, so I leave my bedroom door cracked for him. Part of me is anxious about picking up where we left off, while the other part of me is exhilarated to see that he feels the same way. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but we can deal with that later.
I go to my dresser and pick out a loose T-shirt and shorts. My boy shorts style underwear is kind of cute, at least if we take things that far tonight. Do I want things to go that far? It’s probably too soon, but I’ve felt like I’ve been walking oneggshells around him lately, and I would love to release this tension between us.
I’m crawling into my bed when I hear the door creak open. I look up at Ben, leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed. He watches me crawl onto the bed with hooded eyelids, and my body flushes when I realize he’s likely imagining me on my hands and knees. I get under my bed sheets, and he makes his way over to me. He has changed into a pair of soft gray sweatpants and a basic white T-shirt, which looks amazing on his toned physique.
He sits down on my bed and settles against the back of my headboard. He looks down at me as he crosses his feet at his ankles. We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us wanting to break the spell.
Finally, as if afraid I would run away, he slowly reaches a hand to brush a lock of my hair out of my face. The gentle glide of his fingertips against my skin has my body vibrating all over again. I resist the urge to turn my face and nuzzle in his hand. Instead, I opt to watch the rapt attention he pays me. He retracts his hand and looks at me as if he’s asking for permission.
I give a slow nod, and he gets under my duvet. He scoots himself down so that we’re lying face to face, just inches apart but close enough that we’re breathing the same air. Slowly, he leans forward and gives me a gentle kiss on the lips. He pulls back just enough so that he can whisper a soft goodnight.
I lay there with my eyes closed, just breathing in his scent. I can feel his body heat, and it makes me want to crawl into his space. I try not to second guess myself and move my body toward him. He opens his arms to me immediately, and I settle my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me, and I feel like this is where I belong. With a final satisfying snap, the last puzzle piece fell into place, completing the picture and filling the void within me, bringing a sense of peace.
I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I know that when I wake up tomorrow, my life will never be the same.
22
emily
I’ve never been much of a morning person. Normally, I have at least three alarms set and hit the snooze on my phone at least five times before my eyes even blink open. This morning, though, something is different.
It probably has to do with the warm body that’s spooning me. Or that there is quite a large appendage that’s stabbing my backside. With the feel of Ben’s morning wood pressed against me, I clench my thighs tight and resist the urge to wiggle my ass against his crotch.
Sex should be the last thing on my mind, but I can’t help but imagine Ben gliding his fingertips up the length of my thigh, causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin as he inches closer to my center. My clit is begging for attention, and I feel myself get wet as I imagine him reaching down the crease of my butt and pulling the crotch of both my shorts and panties aside as he discovers how wet I am from his ministrations. I pretend that he’ll tease me with his fingers to get me ready for his giant cock, and then he’d take his cock out of his pants and…
