One, I’m not in my bed. I must have fallen asleep on the couch during the movie last night. And, two, there’s a warm body snuggled behind me. I know without looking that it’s Ben. He has his leg tucked between both of mine as if it were my body pillow. At some point last night, we must have fallen asleep together, and I ended up being the little spoon to his big spoon. I vaguely remember him getting comfortable behind me, but I was too sleepy to realize what was happening.
The last thing I notice is that Ben is definitely sporting an impressive morning wood. My eyes widen at our predicament.
I push Spike off of my shoulder, who grumbles in protest, and slowly try to get out from under Ben’s arm wrapped around my waist. It takes a few moments, but I’m finally free and sneak away to the bathroom. I risk a glance over my shoulder to find he’s still sleeping before I disappear around the corner. The blanket he had wrapped around us is halfway on the floor, but I don’t dare fix it in case he wakes up.
I shut myself in the bathroom and let out a sigh. I take care of business, flush the toilet, and brush my teeth. It’s an early Sunday morning, so I still have time to climb back into bed for a couple of hours of sleep. I pulled on my dress, its fabric crumpled and stiff from a night spent twisted around me. I fumble with the zipper and tug the garment off of me. I rip off my bra and toss it into the hamper. Grabbing an oversized shirt, I tug it on over my head and sigh in relief as the soft cotton caresses my body.
As I’m crawling into my bed, I can’t help but think about how well our bodies seem to fit together. I miss his warmth as I burrow into my cold blankets. Before long, I’ve fallen asleep again to thoughts of Ben and his mesmerizing hazel eyes and brilliant smile.
If only we weren’t roommates.
17
ben
Iwake up alone on the couch. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true. Buffy has curled her tiny body on the couch by my hips. Buffy must have taken Emily’s place when she left this morning while I was pretending to still be asleep as she made her escape. She left behind her lingering scent of jasmine and vanilla in her wake.
Emily fell asleep on my shoulder last night when we were about halfway through Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It’s not the most exciting of all the Marvel movies, so I don’t blame Emily for falling asleep. I didn’t have it in me to move her off of me, so I tried to lay her down on the couch. I grabbed the blanket and covered our bodies with it, creating a cocoon of warmth.
I try not to examine how I ended up just holding her against my body as I watched the rest of the movie. When the movie was over, I shut off the TV and just lay there with her in my arms. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I woke up to Emily trying to make a quiet escape.
I’ve always had a tough time connecting with people, but Emily makes it seem so easy. Hell, I was with Melissa for nearly a decade, and we never knew what the other was thinking. She expected me to always read her mind and would get angry orupset at me when I couldn’t. Unfortunately, we spent most of our relationship fighting. I should have left her years ago, but I stayed out of sheer stubbornness and a false sense of loyalty. I felt I owed it to her to make our relationship work. It wasn’t easy walking away from my failed relationship, but we didn’t make each other happy. Maybe we were happy together at one point, but that was so long ago that I can’t even remember what it was like.
Emily, however, was like an open book. I could read her thoughts on her expressive face, though she likes to think she’s good at hiding her emotions. I love that she says what’s on her mind instead of hiding her true feelings. In our short time together, we’ve had simple conversations and even debated current events.
She scratches the part of my brain that craves intellectual stimulation. When Melissa and I were together, we mostly talked about work since we work for the same company and the latest gossip. I ended up tuning her out most of the time, which would always result in another fight.
Stretching, I finally get up and make my way to the bathroom. Emily’s bedroom door is closed. I would love nothing more than to climb into her bed, pull her close to me, and have her tangle her legs within mine again.
But who am I kidding? We both just got out of long-term relationships. Neither of us is ready to jump into another one.
When I finally broke things off with Melissa, I knew I was done with relationships for a while. I was an idiot to think that proposing to Melissa would magically fix all our problems. If anything, it seemed to amplify our stark differences.
After finally admitting to myself that our relationship was over, I made a call to Jason, who had seen it coming from miles away. He let me move into his house while I figured out the next step. That was months ago, and I ended up staying with Jasonand Amanda far longer than I expected. Work got busy, and I got used to having my best friend around. It helped ease the sting of my failed relationship.
When Emily approached me at Sasha’s birthday party, I was shocked at first. I’ve always noticed Emily whenever she came around but never had time to get to know her. Melissa always seemed to hate her, so I attempted to avoid any one-on-one interaction with Emily. I barely gave it much thought when Emily asked me to be her roommate. It solved both of our problems. Plus, I could tell that Amanda was ready for me to get out of their space so that they could start baby preparations.
I thought it would be easy to keep things strictly platonic, but I’m finding that the more time we spend together, the harder it is for me to resist the urge to kiss her.
Sending her Valentine’s Day flowers was probably a mistake, but I didn’t want her to feel alone. I do not know what her douchebag ex-boyfriend did for the holiday, but her reaction to the flowers makes me think he didn’t bother to do anything at all. I’m so angry about how Logan treated Emily that I’m considering committing a felony. Just once, I’d like to punch that smug bastard.
I make my way to my bedroom and turn around to shut my door, which faces Emily’s door. After one last glance at her bedroom door, I finally shut mine and climb into bed.
Guess we’re both in for a lazy Sunday.
18
emily
The rest of the week goes by in a blur. I’ve been avoiding being alone with Ben, which really isn’t that difficult considering I’m putting in long hours at the hospital. On my days off, I spend the morning resting and then going to the gym before running errands. I found a gym closer to my apartment. It was a hard transition at first, but everyone has been really welcoming.
When I get back to the apartment, Ben is usually at work, so I have the apartment to myself. I’ve been catching up on my reading lately. I had forgotten how much I loved to read, but I’m trying to find time for the things that I let go of when I was with Logan without even realizing it. If nothing else, this breakup has helped me to see all the things I changed about myself to be the perfect girlfriend for Logan.
It didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that since Logan didn’t like to read, neither did I. Or that instead of disagreeing with anything Logan said, I would nod silently to avoid embarrassing him in social situations or appearing argumentative. I didn’t want to be the girlfriend whom everyone pretended to be nice to only to become the subject of the cop wives’ gossip behind my back. Having beenprivy to some of the silly gossip, I had decided to never give them anything to talk about.
In the weeks since Logan ended things, I realized how much of myself I let go of to fit the mold of his perfect partner. I justified it, thinking we were endgame and would eventually be married. Besides, it wasn’t like Logan was asking me to change myself.
So, I’ve been trying to recover pieces of myself that I lost. One of which is reading for fun. I love to read all genres, but romance novels make me the happiest. I love the stories of two people coming together and working out their differences to make a relationship work. The guaranteed happily ever afters are always an endorphin rush that both my heart and soul need. Romance books also help me feel less alone. How can you be alone when you have a plethora of book boyfriends?
