Page 30 of Recipes for Life
“She fell asleep on the sofa after dinner. I decided to let her sleep since she’s still getting over being sick. I tucked her in about thirty minutes ago, and not a peep since.”
I looked over at the clock and realized it was already eight-forty-five, so I shouldn’t have been surprised she was already sleeping.
“She’s always good for you,” I said wistfully.
“Hah! Sure, sis, whatever you say. You raised a child who is part angel and partdemon.”Wynn laughed. “Although, I chalk the demon part up to Murphy,” she said with a half-smile, but it still made my heart clench and I felt my face morph into a slight frown.
“There it is. I knew it; you’re off because of Murphy.”
I shrugged at her, something I seemed to be doinga lotlately.
“Am I stupid, Wynn? Because some part of me feels stupid. I feel like being around him makes me feelallthese big feelings, you know? Feelings I haven’t had for a long time, but how can that be? I don’t really know who Murphy is anymore, and the man I last knew wasn’t a man I wanted to know, if that makes sense?” I sputtered, but I had to keep going so I could get it all out. “He cheated on me, Wynn...formonths.Were there others? Would he have kept cheating on me? How many times? Did he bring her into ourhome? I wasn’t strong enough before to listen and accept the answers, but I am now, and…and I want them.”
She walked up and brought me in for a hug I didn’t realize I desperately needed until now.
“What do you need from me? Do you want me to be silent while you work through it all out loud, or do you want advice?”
One of my favorite things about Wynn was she knew exactly what to say; she was always so good at asking me what I needed.
“I want to know what you think, Wynn, please.”
She backed away, but still kept me in arms reach, biting her lip while looking me over. I could tell she was assessing whether to be completely honest with me or not.
“Spit it out, Wynn. I’m a mess up here and I want to know what you’re thinking.” I made the crazy gesture with my hand, whichcaused her to chuckle, but a serious look took over her face and she led me to the table to sit.
“When everything first happened with Murphy, I was shocked at first, but then not, you know? He’d been changing for a while, ever since he got that job. It felt like you both were on opposite sides of life, like a recipe that called for both oil and water. He wanted more, more, more, more, and you just wanted your family. And while I think his intentions were in the right place to begin with, he lost sight of what was important.”
She kept looking at me, seeing how I was taking what she was saying, but my silence was meant to urge her to continue.
“After seeing what you went through, it felt like I was witnessing you losing half of your soul, and I wanted tomurderhim while you tried to pick up the pieces of yourself. For months, all I could see when I saw him was how much I hated him…”
“But?” I inquired
“But I also saw his devastation, his self-loathing. More recently, I’ve noticed his changes over the last few years since I do a lot of the drop offs. I never brought it up to you because he’s always been such a taboo topic for you…but can I tell you something and have you promise not to hate me?”
“I could never hate you, Wynn; you’re the best person I know.”
“You remember Kolby? The guy I dated in college for a while?”
“Of course, I remember him. You dated him for two years, and he wasobsessedwith you.” I chuckled. “What about him?”
Her gaze was fixed on the floor, which was so unlike Wynn. I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Wynn, seriously, you can tell me anything.”
“I cheated on him.” She kept her gaze on the floor, refusing to look up.
I was shocked; I couldn’t help my mouth from falling open, and I was totally at a loss for words.
“Tell me you don’t hate me.”
How could I hate her? I loved her. I knew how fiercely she protected me, Lux, and anyone she loved. I knew how hard she worked to provide for us, to provide for herself. She was totally capable of kicking anyone’s ass and had some serioussass,but Wynn was one of the best people I knew—shealwayshad been, even as a teenager.
“Wynn, I could never hate you. Why didn’t you tell me?” I was still holding her hand, and I squeezed, hoping she could feel my support.
“Honestly? I was embarrassed and ashamed I had cheated. I really didn’t have a good reason why; Kolby was great, he treated me amazingly, he was always kind.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I was at a party one night and he was at home. I got a little tipsy, and I found this attractive guy who was visiting his friend from another school. One thing led to another, and well…that was that. We slept together.”
“Wynn…”
“Look, I’m not going to try to make excuses for myself because I did a really shitty thing. I could have walked away from him at any time, yet I chose not to. I’m not trying to compare my situation to yours, because it’s like apples and whales, completely different. I did aterriblething, and you want to know the worst part?”
