Page 13 of Recipes for Life
"You hate me, but I hate me more..." he sobbed.
"I don't know how to do this without you..." he whispered. The silent tears I'd been doing my best to hold in overtook me. A random breeze caused me to raise my head from my lap, and my eyes met Wynn’s, who was also crying.
She was witnessing the end of a marriage, and it was heartbreaking.
She pulled me up and out of the way, then stepped outside.
Chapter 9
Murphy
I had seen the obvious hate in Odette's eyes. I hadseenit.
I'd never seen her look at anyone that way before, let alone me. My gut churned, and the thought of food or anything else repulsed me. Irepulsedme. It felt like I was crawling in my own skin, a feeling of not knowing myself, not knowing who I'd become.
Seeing that look on her face had been one of those moments where your life changes in the blink of an eye—the entire course of your future irrevocably changed. I've had two of those moments before today: one when I married Odette, and the second when my daughter was born. Today, seeing that look on her face, was the third.
She was gorgeous, always had been, but you could tell that something was going on. Her eyes looked like they were permanently puffy, her dress hung off her, and I could tell she was losing weight she didn't need to lose.
I did that to her, I did. And for what? Some sex? Who was I? What had I done?
Leaving the office, I said fuck it to work and emailed in emergency leave for the next week. I decided to find a place close to home to drown my sorrows in alcohol.
The night passed by in a blur, and all I could think about was that I had to try. I couldn'tstoptrying. I couldn’t live with her hating me, and against my better judgment, I ordered an Uber to her place, praying like hell she was home. I stumbled my way up the front porch steps and started banging.
She had to be home. I needed to apologize. I never got to apologize.
Eventually, the entry light came on and Iknewshe was there. I wasn't even sure what I was saying, I was just trying to convey how sorry I was. I didn’t know why I did what I did; I didn’t know when I got lost.
God, I hate myself.
I banged my head on the door and almost fell inside when it opened, only to meet Wynn’s hard gaze.
I could tell she'd been holding back tears, and as pissed off as she was, she was also upset.
She bent down and grabbed my ear, dragging me off the porch.
"What the hell are you doing here, Murphy? You can't be here."
"I had to apologize."
"No, Murphy, you don't understand. Youcan'tbe here. She's falling apart in there, and you and I both know that another few episodes of this willtearher apart. What are you doing? Youcannotbe here."
"I love her."
"Then you should have loved her better. Shedeservesbetter."
I grabbed my chest, her words hitting like a physical blow. "I know... How can I fix this?"
"I don't know who this guy is...” she waved up and down my body length. "But it’s not the kid I grew up, viewing as a brother. Thatguy is long gone. And if there's even a slim chance that he's in there somewhere, then you know you have to let her go."
"I don't know how..." I confided
She looked at me sadly. "Just sign the papers, Murphy."
I hung my head as headlights lit up the otherwise black driveway.
"Your rides here," she said, and I looked over.
