Page 60 of Dance with Me on New Year's Eve
“Oh, no, we were in college. I hadn’t seen him since.”
“Was he at least polite?”
“No, but neither was I.” I exhaled shakily and wiped my eyes with a tissue. “He—he said I was too boring, too quiet ... an ice queen. He even said it wascreepy that I acted like nothing happened after Grandpa’s death. Which wasn’t true—I was grieving privately. But he said …”
She waited a moment for me to finish, but I couldn’t speak anymore through the sobbing.
“Roxy, it’s OK if you don’t want to share all the details now. I’ve heard enough to know that this terrible guy didn’t deserve you. I doubt he deserves anyone,” Hazel said, shaking her head.
I wiped my face, which surely looked gross with my mascara-laced tears and blotchy, puffy skin. “I know, and I think I already knew that. Julia and I—that’s my friend who was also datinghisfriend simultaneously—we talked about it a lot. She helped me heal, or as much as anyone could.” I sniffed. “But his words never left me because … they just confirmed what I’d already suspected about myself. And my parents ... well, they never came right out and said it, but I know they’ve always found me lacking. They—they still do.”
When I dared look into her eyes, they were filled with kindness and empathy. Not pity. Thank goodness. “I mean, how could I expect anyone to accept me if my own parents don’t?”
She grasped both my hands and squeezed. “I get it, Roxy, I really do. It hasn’t always been easy with my parents either. I know they love me, but … Well, I’m not going to ramble about me. I want to help you. What can I do?”
I breathed in and out slowly. “The shocking thing is that I actually said a couple of harsh things to him today, and for a second, I think he wasintrigued. He said I’d changed … and then he said—he said it still wasn’t enough to interest him.” I felt a round of fresh tears fall.
“Oh, honey, you don’t want interest from a guy like that,” she said in a soothing tone while squeezing my hands again.
“I know. I’d never go out with him again. I–I don’t have feelings for Andrew anymore. But it still hurt.”
And that’s what upset me more than anything. That hecouldstill hurt me.
“Of course it did. Because you’re human.”
I squeezed her hands and then let them go to grab another tissue. “You’re here as a friend, aren’t you? Not a boss.”
Hazel smiled. “Now you’re getting it.” Then her expression sobered. “But you should get out of here. Take the rest of the day off. Hole up in your apartment with your favorite ice cream and a fluffy blanket and hot cocoa, and what’s that show you’re into about the island thing?”
“Cast Afar,” I said. “Some day, when I’m not a blubbering mess, I’ll tell you about this board game thing I’ve been working on with a friend.” I looked down. “If you’re interested, that is. I mean, it’s OK if you’re not—”
“I’d love to hear about it! You know, Peter and I actually bonded over Monopoly. You wouldn’t believe—”
A throat clearing startled us both, and we turned to look at the source.
I flinched.
No, no, it can’t be.
If he’s standing there, he probably heard me saying some absolutely mortifying things. And I must look like a bus just ran over me.
Contemplating the possibility of never showing up to work again, I dabbed at my eyes to dry them, trying not to smear whatever remaining makeup I had.
“How long have you been standing there, Jeff?” Hazel asked in the sharpest tone I’d ever heard her use with him.
I chanced a look at him, hoping I was wrong and he hadn’t actually heard much.
No such luck.
Jeff’s face was white, and his features were arranged in an expression I’d never seen. Shock? Anguish? Horror? Pain?
But those reactions didn’t make sense. Well, maybe shock. But the others? No, I must be misreading him. It had happened often enough before.
He stared at us, almost through us, like he’d seen a ghost. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. The door was open, and I just came to ask about the agenda—”
“Jeff.” Hazel’s lips pressed together as she studied him. “You look terrible. Why don’t you go home too? We can all take the day off.”
He nodded, his mind seeming to be elsewhere as his eyes still revealed those same intense but confusing emotions. As he turned to go, he collided hard with the door frame. But without so much as a curse or anouch, he was gone before I could blink.
