She sighs heavily and stares longingly at the table with Dirty Shirleys lined up, ready to drink, but no, she needs to get this out first. “I have to tell you all something.”
“You can tell us anything, B,” Lexi says.
She shoots a grateful smile at her sister and continues, trying to get it all out before the lump growing in her throat completely stops her ability to speak. “Xavier and I . . . Our engagement, none of it was real. We lied, to all of you. We were never engaged. We never even dated. It was all fake. It was . . . after the party for my defense. None of you showed up and it was just supposed to be a stupid drunk prank and then, ugh, then you all showed up for the party for my fucking engagement instead, and Mom and Dad drove forhoursto get there and it just made me so mad because none of you seemed to give a shit, until suddenly I was marrying some guy, and you were all justfinewith it even though you’d never met him and so we decided to continue it through the rest of the summer. He needed a place to stay, and I was so stupid and managed to fall in love with him, not that it fucking matters and I just . . . I just . . . I’m just so sorry.”
“B, it’s okay,” Lexi says and the others nod.
Letting out a half-choked sob, she shakes her head as the tears start to fall. “God, please don’t, I know how awful I’ve been. I lied to all of you; I was just so angry. I know it’s no excuse, but I was just angrier than I’ve ever been in my whole life and it was the only way I could think of to make you guys understand.”
“Well, I don’t know about the rest of these ungrateful assholes, but I forgive you.”
“Frankie,” she manages to scold, her throat thick with emotion, barely able to see through her tear-blurred eyes.
“No, listen, I’m pissed off you lied to us, sure, but I’m even more pissed off at us that you felt like you needed to. We should have been there, B. You’realwaysthere for us when we need you and we should have been there. And that’s what Xavier told us before he left. He told us everything and he was right.”
“You . . . you knew?”
“We knew and we forgive you,” Lexi says.
“Lex . . .”
“You’re my sister and I love you. I’m . . . not thrilled that you lied to us, but Frankie’s right. We haven’t been there for you. You’re always so strong, B. I’m your older sister and I’m supposed to be the one that’s there for you, not the other way around.”
“In case you missed it, I’m a grown woman. I don’t need . . .”
Frankie doesn’t let her finish. “Ugh, the two of you areexactlythe same. ‘I don’t need anyone. I can do everything by myself.’ Don’t you get it? It’s not aboutneedingsomeone.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing, Bianca,” Izzy says softly. “We . . . know you don’tneedus. You’ve always been more than capable of handling things on your own. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have us there. We took you for granted and we didn’t celebrate how much you’ve accomplished and you were right to be angry.”
“Personally, I’d like to get back to the part where you said you were in love with Xavier and he’s gone,” Erik cuts in. “I gotta know, did youtell himbefore he left, because that man is so in love with you it literally made me nauseated. Either that or he’s the greatest actor of his generation and his talents are being wasted in academia.”
“Um, I was living with them for a minute,” Chloe says. “He wasnotacting and neither was she.”
“Sheis still here,” Bianca protests, “and it doesn’t matter . . . he’s gone and . . .”
“So go with him,” Izzy suggests, easily enough, like that’s all there is to it.
“I can’t just . . . He’s got a career waiting for him and I can’t . . .”
“What? You can’t write your curriculum in Greece? At least for the rest of the summer?” Lexi says.
“That’s not . . .”
“Is there something in the air in the Mediterranean that makes it impossible for you to write about the perils of misinformation?” Frankie joins in.
“He didn’t ask me to come,” which is kind of a lie, because he did ask, but that was before . . . everything. “And besides, it’s not just that. Long distance isn’t my thing. I’ve tried it before and that was only three thousand miles.”
“The distance isn’t what killed that one and you know it,” Lexi insists. “With the right person it won’t matter.”
Her sister isn’t wrong, at least about that part.
“Regardless, I do have to be in California most of the time. It’s not all work from home. I need to be on campus, teaching in person. I can’t just . . .”
Frankie cuts her off again. “But you can. You can just choose this, choose him and choose yourself. You two want to be together, so be together. Everything else is just bullshit.”
“We can be mad at you from afar,” Chloe insists. “It’s fine. By the time you come home, we’ll be completely over it and wrapped up in our own crap again.”
“I can’t just show up,” she says, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.
