Page 38 of Learning to Love
I'm in a daze. Only a few hours ago I was on my way home, excited to see her again, making that stupid salmon pastry thing. Now she's leaving me.
I step forward, hoping to catch her scent, to catch her into my arms and never let her go. "Ellie… please."
She looks at me through tears, her voice shaking but determined. "It's not going to work, Sam. You think my job is worthless. You tell me that you’re fucking off for a year. It’s not working.”
"Okay." I'm speechless. I don't know what to say to keep her from leaving this house, from leaving my life completely.
"Where are you going?" I worry about her. Tayla has a new flatmate. She can’t just return there, can she?
"I'm going to crash at Tayla's in the spare room until I find something." Ellie finishes packing a suitcase. She takes Daisy and goes to her new car, a Toyota Corolla. She refuses any help from me. She looks at me briefly over her shoulder. “Tayla and Corinne will pick up the rest of my stuff.”
I stand in the pouring rain, watching the love of my life drive away, and my heart breaks into crumbs.
I go back inside the house, now empty of Ellie, of Daisy, of everything I love. Instead, there's that stupid salmon pastry on the rack, cold by now, and our two half empty glasses of wine.
I can't believe what just happened. What if I never see her again? Have I ruined everything? But she can’t expect me to just give up sailing. And this race … I didn’t apply for it to spite her. I did it before I even knew her. But damn, is the race worth losing her? I shut that thought down. I have to do the race. I have to because … because … My heart races. My palms sweat. The walls creep closer and closer, and I can’t breathe. I need to get out, get some fresh air. So what it's raining, we're not made of sugar. That's what my old sailing coach used to say.
I put my cap on, grab the keys, wallet and phone, and step out again into the New Zealand rain. I am drenched in the first few seconds, making my heart beat faster. I run to forget about the dull ache in my chest. I don't know how I'm going to get over it. I run to the Marina and back through mostly empty streets. Running back up the hill gets my heart racing, but I still can't shake away the need for Ellie. Did she get to Tayla’s safely? Should I text her?
I return home soaked and shivering. After a change and a shower, I pick up the Salmon Wellington by hand like it was a sausage roll and bite into it. Not bad.
I message Corey and Florian that I want to leave early, maybe this coming weekend, a full three weeks ahead of departure. They're excited and don't question it.
The longer I can delay telling everyone about Ellie and I, the better. It's going to be like an all-consuming hurricane, so I lay in wait for what's to come.
Chapter 16
Ellie
"What. The. Hell." Tayla dropped a piece of toast, and Daisy rushed to grab it as I walk into the Hillcrest house with my suitcase.
Corinne’s eyes are wide with surprise. She wraps her arms around me and sits me on the couch. "Babe, sit down. What happened? Did someone die?"
I smile bitterly. "Feels like someone died, yes."
Taya paces the space in front of the couch, arms flying like windmills. "Is he whoring? Has he been dipping where he shouldn't? I don't trust these quiet ones. Still water runs deep." Tayla is ready to jump at Sam's throat. She's so loyal, it brings tears to my eyes.
Corrine pats my shoulder. "Aw, don't cry babe, nobody deserves it. Do you think he's at home crying for you? I doubt it." Corinne's right, I doubt it too. He's probably happy to be rid of a nuisance.
"Nah, wasn't that. Hey, I didn't have dinner. With one thing and another. Could I please have a bit of what you're having?" My tummy rumbles audibly.
Tayla runs to the kitchen. "Sure, sweetie, have some baked beans on toast, and some nice chamomile tea. Now tell us what happened." Tayla returns, handing me the food and drink.
"Sam came back from training. Wants to go sailing around the world fora whole yearin a race. Wants me to wait at every port he's at, once a month for a couple of days." Even as I'm telling them about our argument out loud, I realize how terrible it sounds. I start eating the simple dinner, and the chamomile tea has a near instant calming effect.
"Hold up. He wants to WHAT? He just came home, like literally today. This afternoon." Corinne just can't compute. I know how it feels. I can’t wrap my head around it, either.
I take a large bite of toast and wash it down with tea. “And he said I should quit my job.” I’m still furious at the thought.
"No fucking way, Ellie. I'm telling you, no fucking way. He's playing you like a fiddle. How long has he known about this?" Tayla dots the i, as usual.
I shake my head. “He did tell me. But he made it sound like it wouldn’t happen, so I … I put it out of my mind. Even though I knew about it, it still feels like a punch to the gut, unexpected and ugly. “Really, it’s his suggestion that I quit my job that hurts the most. Like what I do doesn’t matter.” I choke on the last words and cry into my tea.
Tayla plops down on the couch beside me. “So he told you? Once. And then let you forget about. Ha. Like he was covering his tracks or something.” She pops back up. “I’m gonna go slash his tires.”
I pull her back down with a tear-filled laugh. Somehow she makes me feel a bit better.
"So anyway, can I crash at yours in the spare room or the lounge even, while I look for somewhere else to live?"
