Patrick’s breath was misty when he spoke. “Do you want to go back to that bar across the street?”
My frown furrowed my brow. “We just left a bar.”
Patrick chuckled as if I’d said a joke. “Ian could be there.”
I clenched my teeth and looked ahead. I’d accepted a lot of truths about this relationship in the last few days, but I couldn’t see why he would have to rub it in.
“What?” Patrick asked, his tone half-amused. Mocking? I hated to think so, but the thought welled to the forefront of my mind.
“I don’t want Ian,” I said coldly.
“Jeez, alright,” Patrick said, snort-chuckling to soften the edges of the tension that crystallized between us. “Can you blame me for wanting to help a friend out?”
I looked at him, shoulder to shoulder with me, and wondered if he picked these things to say on purpose. We turned the corner and walked down the street, where our bed-and-breakfast was. The bar across the street was lively and radiating warmth, but it didn’t cross my mind to go in. “Is that what you’re doing?” I asked.
Patrick’s dark eyebrows trembled into a small frown. “What else?”
I swallowed the words that came up first.Maybe you’re deflecting from the fact that you’re attracted to me. Maybe you’re pretending like you don’t know I’m attracted to you. Maybe you think you’re giving me a clear, painless rejection,but you should know that it hurts just the same.I said none of that. “You tell me.”
Patrick shook his head. “Are you…analyzing me?”
I rolled my eyes and trudged on toward the house. Patrick produced his keys first as he entered the small front yard and walked up to the front door.
“I was gonna be your wingman, that’s all,” Patrick said. “I figured it would make you happy. Hell, I can sleep on the sofa if you wanna do it on the home turf.”
My cheeks burst aflame. “I’m not that desperate to reel in any guy who looks at me,” I said.
Before unlocking the door, he turned to me and lifted his hands in defense. “I never said you were. Christ, Shane, I thought you said you wanted to get it over with.”
“I changed my mind,” I said.
“Fine. Fine.” He looked at me, still not opening the front door, and his gaze wandered over my face as if he were searching for something. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I misunderstood. It’s totally cool if you want your first time to be special.”
I swallowed again, but this time, there were no impulsive words I needed to hold back. “I do want it to be special,” I said. “And I want to be done with it, too.”
“Well, you’ll meet someone you like soon, I bet,” Patrick said, his gaze dropping to my lips. He couldn’t look into my eyes when he said that.
I nodded. “I just hope he doesn’t get my hopes up, then step back all the damn time.”
Patrick’s face hardened as he lifted his surprised gaze to my eyes. “What?”
“You know, tease and let go,” I said, unable to keep the accusation out of my voice.
“I don’t…” His frown deepened, and his gaze cooled. He cocked his head to one side as his cheeks heated up. He tooka small step back, inching toward the door, but I stared at him evenly. Finally, he licked his lips and found a deep voice that carried all his warmth and quiet fury. “Don’t play games with me, Shane.”
“Or what?” What did I have to lose? My project. Let the project go to hell. I was sick of it anyway. I would find a way to explain its sudden end somehow. I just wasn’t cut out to be a researcher. I couldn’t be impartial when I fell for the subject of my research.
“I don’t like it,” Patrick said.
“Seriously?” I asked. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. “I don’t like being teased if it isn’t going anywhere.”
“You think I did that?” Patrick asked. “I’m…I…”
“Your pulse goes crazy when you’re around me,” I said. The realization that this was a terrible mistake came to me a moment after the words were out, but my course was charted for me. I clenched my fists and went on. “When we’re in the locker room, when you take your clothes off, when I do it, it looks like a panic attack. Don’t deny it.”
Patrick’s face was awash with horror. “You can see that?” He lifted his hand a little, the smartwatch strapped to his wrist, a little traitor.
I took a step back by instinct. Every code of conduct, every rule of ethics, every shred of basic decency went out the window. He knew that I knew. But at what cost? He knew what a cheat I was, too. Guilt rippled over me, and I stepped toward him. “Patrick, I’m…”Sorry.
