Page 115 of The King Contract
“I’m sorry,” I manage to muster. “I am so sorry, Millie.”
Millie blinks up at me blankly. “For which part? Blowing off my show or kissing your ex-girlfriend for the entire world to see while you weremeant to beat my show?”
The tone of her voice unnerves me. It’s barely above a whisper, almost monotone, as she stares at me zombie-like. As if she’s going through the motions of this conversation before she can ask me to leave.
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “It’s not how it looks.”
She blinks at me again, her eyes searching mine. Her skin is paler than usual, blotches of red on her cheeks from crying. Her eyes aren’t sparkling like I’m used to, either. They’re hollow, as if she’s checked out.
“I amsosorry I wasn’t there.” My saturated clothes stick to every inch of my body, and I want to tear them from my skin. “I wanted desperately to be there.”
“These things happen.” There it is again. The matter of fact, robotic tone of voice.
“There are many reasons why I didn’t make it, all of them my fault.” I take a tentative step forward. “I am so sorry for that. But please understand those photos with Sofia are misleading. I didn’t go to that event to have a make out session with my ex-girlfriend.”
She stares blankly at me. “Did you know Sofia was going to be there?”
I hesitate. “Yes.”
“But you chose not to tell me?”
I sigh. “Yes.”
She nods, like she expected this answer. “Did you hold her hand?”
“Yes.”
Millie licks her lips. “Did you kiss her?”
“No.” I remain as calm and level-headed as I can. “She leant in to kiss me and we might’ve touched lips for two seconds before I pulled away.”
She stares at me for an uncomfortably long time. “Did youwantto kiss her?”
I’m about ready to shake her arms to wake her up. I’d rather she screamed and yelled or shoved me around her house and told me I’m an asshole. Anything but this despondent zombie who seems unaffected by anything I say.
“I didn’twantto,” I insist. “Yes, for a split second I thought about it. I thought about what it would be like to kiss her again. She’s my ex-girlfriend. I think that’s normal. But I didn’t want it. I don’t want to kiss anyone but you.”
Millie remains silent, staring at the wall behind my shoulder as she seemingly processes my words. “You know the funny part about all of this?” My heart shatters when I notice silent tears spill over the edge of her eyes.
“Millie . . .”
“I don’t have a good reason to be mad at you,” she continues, wiping her cheek with her hand. “I knew this entire arrangement was about your career. You said on the day you made the offer that it wouldn’t hurt to annoy your ex-girlfriend. I have no right to be upset.”
That she even suggests that makes my stomach churn. “That’s not true. You have every right to be upset. This might’ve started out as a contract, but that’s not how it stayed. I meant what I said yesterday. This stopped being fake a long time ago. I haven’t been spending time with you for sponsors or Sofia or anyone except myself.”
I’m not sure when I stopped hanging out with her because of the contract and started to because I wanted to. Probably earlier than I realise. Being with Millie makes everything innately better. After our photoshoot on the beach, we’d made our intentions clear, that this isn’t pretend anymore. That’s probably why she’s looking at me like I’ve torn out her heart and stomped on it. What I wouldn’t give to get inside her brain and trawl through her thoughts, even the painful ones, so I could understand her better.
“None of that matters now,” Millie says, her voice raspy. “You fly to Hawaii in a few days and go straight to Portugal after that. What did we think would happen?”
“That’s why we were going to talk,” I say, willing my heart to slow down. “Keep on this communication path and be adults. Obviously, I messed up with the adult part today.”
Millie takes a deep breath as she wipes her eyes, evidence that maybe she does feel something more than quiet, numb rage.
I am a piece of shit. Regardless of whether Sofia kissed me, I should’ve told Millie she was going to be there. I should’ve found a way to contact her,knowingthe chance of us being seen was possible. I could’ve said no to the after party with Salt Skin and suggested another time. But once again, my actions hurt someone I care about, and it’s physically slicing my insides.
“Everything I’ve said to you is the truth,” I say, noting the desperation in my voice. “In the beginning it was for my career, but eventually, I wasn’t doing it for the photos or the kudos. I love being with you. Nothing has changed since this morning.”
She gives me a sad smile. “Everything’s changed, Noah. We were kidding ourselves. Today proved that.”
