A few weeks later, in Montréal now for the Canadian Grand Prix… I’ve decided I’m going to bed with him. It’s been six months since our “one-hour fling” in Abu Dhabi, and I can’t take much more of this slow-burn, months-long foreplay.
He’s been tense this week, distracted even when we’re together, interrupted by endless messages when we’re on late-night calls. I’ve assumed it’s all work-related, but since we avoid those topics, I can only guess the specifics. I suspect it has to do with Edward Morgan’s continued absence, but I can’t ask Klaus andwon’task Phaedra.
She and I are still on the outs. After I ignored her “Let’s sweep this argument under the rug as usual” texts, she went radio silent, clearly punishing me for not having backed down. I’ve violated our unspoken rule by sticking up for myself, I guess.
I can’t help wondering if she’s formed a secret amorous alliance with Cosmin Ardelean. She loathed him when they first met, but after they were sent on a “bonding” trip together, things shifted somehow. It was obvious to me that she was attracted to him, even when she wouldn’t admit it.
If they’ve cooked up a sneaky romance, I reallyhavebeen replaced; Phaedra has never required more than one friend. She developed social competence because it’s useful in business. But she still doesn’t have a high need for companionship.
After the press conference on Thursday of race week—always a hectic day for everyone—I send Klaus a text:
Me:Do you still want to hang out tonight?
Charcoal Suit:Please come up. It will be the highlight of my day. Is ten o’clock too late?
Not for what I have in mind, nope…
I put on a strappy orange dress I know he loves and take the elevator up to his suite. My heart is doing a wild jazz drum solo in anticipation of what’s to come, and my hands are shaking.
When he opens the door, he’s on a call with someone who has a French accent (Emerald’s chief aerodynamicist?) and quickly taps the phone to switch from speaker to private.
I don’t know why, but it bugs me.What the heck does he think I’m going to do, dash off a stealthy article about Emerald’s latest wind tunnel tests?
For that matter, part of me is annoyed that after I’ve spent all day building up this big event in my head, I didn’t even get an appreciative once-over for the dress before Klaus wandered away. I know it’s vain, but… I’d hoped he’d maybe have the same sense I do that tonight is a turning point to the next stage. A big development. Instead, I feel like I’ve blundered into a meeting room at the paddock.
Would a smile have killed him? A moment of eye contact?
I walk stiffly to the living room and lower myself into a chair, feeling embarrassed and trying to shake off the indignation. Making a show of how thoroughly I’mnotpaying attention to his stupid call, I swipe open the email I’ve neglected all day and scan it.
Whoa. A message from Phaedra.
I glance up at Klaus—who’s leaning diagonally in the bedroom doorway with his back to me, immersed in his phone call—then open the email, which was sent this morning, fifteen hours ago.
You win the bet, Nat. I fucked Cosmin before Silverstone. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. There’s no excuse. I miss my best friend. I promise I’m not saying this to be manipulative, but my dad is sick, and I’m scared. Please call me. I want to apologize in person.
My stomach drops.
Moissick?
Having it confirmed feels very different from suspecting it in an abstract sense. I recall Phae telling me in December, six months ago, that her father was having weird headaches. My wide, burning eyes drop again to her words on my phone screen:I’m scared.
She never admits to being scared. It hits me hard, knowing what it must have cost her emotionally to say that. What was the breaking point? How bad is this?
Worry for Mo spreads through me like a dark oil spill, and also genuine shock that Phaedra is apologizing. She’s acknowledged that she hurt my feelings.
I have to go to her!
I turn my phone sideways to type, then freeze. A realization smacks into me, following close and treading painfully on the heels of my reflexive compassion:
Phaedra only apologizes when she wants something from me.
I’ve always assumed she does thatnotbecause she’s selfish and calculating, but because it feels safer. Like, she wants to apologize but needs to sneak it in attached to something else, like a rider on a bill in legislation.
Is Mo actually that sick? Or is this some demented Hail Mary play by Phaedra?
Maybe that’s why Klaus hasn’t mentioned it?
How much does he know about Mo’s health problem? If it’s serious, maybe that’s why he’s seemed “off” this week. But… with all we’ve shared as we’ve opened our hearts, he couldn’t have confided in me about such a huge struggle?
