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“I don’t know. He looks so happy.”

“He looks like a fucking Cheshire cat, is what he looks like.”

“Ellis, did I tell you that you are quickly working your way up to being my favorite?” Leland asks. “Like you were already above Tavish the moment I met you, but now you’re just skyrocketing to the top. You really want to hear my rap?”

Everyone, except Jackson who is driving, is pelting me with pleading looks. It makes me quite paranoid, but I can’t say no to Leland. That would just be mean.

“I would love to hear it,” I say.

Tavish gives me a gentle look. “Ellis, he’s like a conniving monster. Don’t let him do these things.”

Leland isn’t deterred at all. “Alright… you guys ready for this? Let’s drop a beat. Cassel?”

“Urghhhh,” Cassel whines.

“Not quite the beat I’m looking for. Jackson?”

“Uh… dun dunn?” Jackson sounds extremely unsure.

“Damn, you’re fucking sexy,” Leland says. “You in the back ready for this?”

“No,” Jeremy grumbles. “Why didn’t I bring earplugs?”

Leland doesn’t care. “Yo… here we go. His name is Tavish and he kind of looks like horseradish. Since it’s his birthday, I can’t wish he was a castaway so I wouldn’t have to see his face every day. He thinks he’s a bear but all I see is a hairy man’s derriere. He claims he’s Scottish which would be hottish if he wasn’t Tavish. It’s such a bummer that no one in this van will ever have as fine of a lover as my little fence climber. Poor souls forever deprived of the way Jackson’s pants dived…you know, when he got his pants stuck on the fence.”

Leland is staring at me, obviously wanting a reaction. It has become quite apparent why they all told me to say no, but… like… in a weird way, it was really good. Like no, it wasn’t good at all, but to come up with that on the fly? To just… rhyme… or at least try to rhyme like that?

“That was amazing,” I say. “You were so quick coming up with those rhymes.”

Cassel groans and Tavish chokes. “You think I look like a hairy man’s ass?”

“What? No! Of course not! I was just… I, uh…”

Leland is all beaming smiles. “Ellis, my god, what alien life-form did you come from, you are delightful.”

“Alien… life-form?”

Cassel makes a noise of agreement. “I’m with you there, Leland. I still think he’s like undercover or something. Nothing else can account for how suspicious he is. Maybe undercover cop. Undercover bad man? Something. No one’s nice enough to say that your rapping is good.”

“He didn’t say it was good. He said it wasamazing,” Leland says, looking delighted.

“I feel like I should be offended, but I’m also not sure if I should be,” I tell Tavish.

“Just live in a constant state of being offended when dealing with Leland and everything will be okay.”

“Jackson, do you think we could adopt him?” Leland asks.

“I think he’s a grown man who doesn’t need two men around his age to adopt him,” Jackson says.

“But he’s nice enough that I bet if we asked, he’d say yes just to keep from awkwardly telling me no. Ellis, will you let me adopt you?”

I stare at him, unsure what to do with this question I’ve been presented. “I mean… I already have a mom and sister and… stuff, you know?”

“You wouldn’t let me adopt you?” he asks, giving me a look that makes me feel bad!

“I don’t know… I mean… I…”

“Leland, stop bullying him,” Tavish orders as he grabs me in his arms and pulls me toward him, like he’s shielding me. It makes my heart beat a little wildly as he holds me tightly. “You will taint him and break his kindness.” I decide that he can taint me all he wants if Tavish is willing to hold me like this.