“Yeah? I’ll have my irritatingly cute Cassel fling you down a flight of steps again.”
“Is this the same flight of steps you chased him up with a knife?” I ask Tavish.
“Different ones. This was when the Helium Sisters were doing some exclusive dancing and he popped my tit,” Leland says, like any of that made sense.
They pull up to the police station, and I feel weirdly suspicious again.
“I’m confused. Aren’t you guys the bad guys? Shouldn’t you avoid the police station?” I ask as Jeremy gets out, pleased to be dumping Leland onto the seat. Cassel rolls his window down and blows Jeremy a kiss.
“We’re like the chaotic neutral guys,” Cassel explains.
I realize the middle seat is a horrible option when Leland turns to me. “Do you know how to shiv a man?”
“I can’t say that I do.”
“Do you know how to shoot a man?”
“I shot some guy’s finger off and felt absolutely horrible.” I shudder at the thought.
Leland takes a deep breath. “I-I’m only doing this because I feel slightly guilty that I talked about how I would hunt you down and murder you. N-Now, this is my new baby that I haven’t even gotten to try out yet, but… but I’m going to give her to you. Her name is Naomi…”
He holds his hands out and seems confused why I’m reluctant to take what he’s offering. That’s when I realize it’s a taser gun he’s forced into my possession.
“Uhhh… I’m okay. Thanks.” I try to hand it back, but Tavish’s hand on mine stills me.
“I really think you should keep it. The weasel rarely has good ideas, but this time, it’s pretty good.” Tavish tilts it a bit to get a good look at it. “It looks like the kind they use in law enforcement, which means it has a better range. You’ll have a range of, oh… twenty feet? We can practice on Leland if you want to make sure it works well.”
“Just make sure you’re going to hit your target because they’re not like a gun that you can fire again right away if you miss,” Jackson advises.
“So aim for a wide spot since you’re more likely to hit,” Tavish says. “Although you did shoot that finger off with precision.”
“Let’s not talk about the finger again,” I plead. I hold the taser gun nervously as Tavish goes over how to use it. “I really don’t think I’m going to need this.”
Tavish stares at me as I relive being abducted, flown to Murder Island, pummeled, and thrown out of an airplane.
“You know what? I think I’ll keep it. Thank you. Really, thank you guys so much for helping me,” I say. “I know words can’t do justice to how much I appreciate this. I can’t thank any of you enough.”
Leland smiles at me. “You’re just so much nicer than Tavish. I think you can take his place in the group.”
He says that as if I have any interest at all in becoming a permanent member. “I don’t mind just… not taking anyone’s position and remaining the addition who will go back to his normal life after this is all over.”
“Normal is boring,” Tavish decides. “After this is all over, and you’re sitting there in your normal house with your normal job and normal life, you’ll go ‘Man, I miss the time Tavish took me skydiving.’”
“You act like we went there on a date,” I say. “‘Took’ implies that we went there on purpose. Not that you flung me out of a moving airplane as I screamed and you bled all over after I threw a gun at your face.”
“I have a weirdly different recollection of that. I remember the way you were like, ‘Hold me closer, you sexy man. I love the way your sexy voice rumbles in my ear.’”
I raise an eyebrow as I question whether he hit his head on the way down. He must have if that’s how he’s remembering it. “How hard did you hit your head?”
“I think he was just born that way,” Leland says. “Eternally confused and slightly narcissistic.”
“Sounds like a damn fine specimen to me. I’d do him,” Tavish responds.
“Do him in, you mean?” Cassel asks.
“HA! Cassel! You’rehilarious,” Leland says. It’s clearly said to annoy Tavish, but Cassel seems quite pleased.
“Sorry to break up the fun, but we’re here,” Jackson announces.
