“If I wanted to torture him, I would simply make him talk to you,” I inform him.
Leland is beaming now, but it looks rather feral. “Oh? Too bad the man you wanna peruse with your eyeballsloveshearing me talk,” he says as he wraps Jackson up in a hug. “Helovesmy jokes and my body and every part of me.” Then he kisses him rather loudly on the cheek, making me narrow my eyes at the display.
It does make me rather concerned that my taste in men needs some work. It’s really not that I’mthatinterested in Jackson. It’s that anytime I’ve declared I am, it irritates the hell out of Leland, which gives me a lot of enjoyment.
“So… I’m minorly worried about what youdoplan to do with him,” Jackson says.
“The guy who hired me wants to have a chat with him. He’s hopeful that he can find out where he buried his daughter,” I explain.
“Tell him if he’d like him to suffer, you know a man,” Leland says, pointing both thumbs at himself. “I will set him loose on my thousand-acre farm and hunt him down.”
“You don’t have a thousand-acre farm,” Jackson states.
“Yeah, but I’ve been thinking about getting one so I can hunt down our future enemies. I would invite Tavish over with the promise of seeing your naked booty, and then I would hunt him down and watch him cry when he realized that there was no Jackson booty for him because your booty is all mine.”
Of course he would. “Someday, the trauma you’ve inflicted on this man will wear off and he’ll realize he’s better off with a bear like me instead of a little weasel like you,” I say as the car kicks up a good bounce.
Leland gets in real close, eyes scrutinizing me. I’m not a dumb enough man to deny that he could kick my ass if he chose to, but I stand my ground and enjoy his reaction to my goading. Cannot look like a weasel now, can I?
“Jackson loves the way I taint him. Dontcha, babe? Dontcha love my tainting?”
“Yes, I love your tainting,” Jackson says, sounding like a robot.
Leland is thrilled by this. “Tell him how hard you like to be tainted.”
“So fucking hard.”
“Yeah? Just how hard?”
“Like as hard as hard gets.”
“That’s right.” Leland is pleased.
I laugh. “Sounds like you’re tweaking the poor man’s nuts if he’s not reciting your ludicrous shit just the way you want it.”
“Oh, I’ll tweak his nuts, all right. I’ll tweak them so fucking good.”
TWO
ELLIS
Why theabsolute fuckhave I been smashed into a dumpster, held at gunpoint, dragged into a fucking trunk, thrown all the fuck around, and now when I’m like “Oh, there are people who could possibly save me from this fucking situation,” all they’re talking about istweaking someone’s nuts?
What the fuck?
What. The. FUCK?
I thrash around some more,positivesomeone will save me. I mean, he’s parked and there are multiple men outside the vehicle. Surely at least one of them will be like “This totally isn’t normal. Maybe we should check to seewhat is in the trunk.”
“I bet you know nothing about tweaking nuts,” one guy says.
“I have more skill for tweaking nuts in my pinky toe than you have in your whole goddamn weasel body,” the Scottish man retorts.
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Maybe I don’t want to be saved by any of them! No, no, no. Anything has to be better than this. I throw in some kicks, not sure what it’s gaining me besides some sore toes as I hear a new person enter the scene.
“What’s in the trunk?”
Finally! Another person who could help me. Another person who might actually save me from this hell I’ve found myself in.
