Page 58 of Saddles
And tomorrow I have to face it.
The last of the water gurgles out of the drain before I step around the small wall dividing the room.
He’s pulled a variety of food out and has it sitting on the mattress. “Wasn’t sure what you felt like for your last supper here.” His lopsided smile doesn’t reach his pale eyes.
Ouch. That makes my chest ache knowing I’ll be leaving in the morning.
Why do I have to? What good will it do?
I have nothing to go back to.
“Surprise me? Which clothes do you mind letting me borrow for a few months?” I scrunch my face up, hating that I have to even ask.
His jaw ticks as he looks at me. “I don’t need these back.” He hands me a folded set of thermal top and pants.
“Is that because you never want to see me again?” A lump forms in my throat.
Maybe he’s only been playing nice this whole time?
His hair falls over his eyes as he shakes his head. “It’s not like that. You just don’t have to feel obliged to return them.”The corner of his mouth drops before he looks away. “They ain’t worth a special trip.”
Is he talking about the outfit, or him?
“But what will I use as an excuse to drop by if you don’t want them back?” I do my best to keep my tone light, but it hurts to think he really doesn’t want anything to do with me again.
While his gaze is averted, I drop the towel and slide into the snug outfit. These fit me better than the baggy sweats I’ve been wearing. I don’t have to tie these up to be able to move.
He sighs as he hands me a package of food. It smells good, alfredo with chicken.
“You’re going to be so busy once you’re home, what with your dad being in the hospital and all, I’m sure you’re gonna hit the ground running. You don’t need to worry about some ol’ cowboy hiding in the woods, I know you’re going to be just fine.” His nose wrinkles over his own meal. “Maybe the next time you’re at Chino’s you’ll remember to feel sorry for me not having real Italian pasta.” He gestures to his pouch and threads out a thin noodle.
“You could go with me?” I’m beginning to feel like I’m chasing my tail.
When he sits on the stool, staring at his fork, I know.
“You’re better off without me, April. You’re destined for bigger and better things than I could ever imagine.” His fingers run through his hair, then he drops his palm over his face, rubbing his chin. “Fuck, I’m probably the biggest idiot in the world.”
“Ford—” My irritation comes out when I stab into my bag. “—I’m not asking you to marry me. I just could really use—” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “—a friend. I have no one. Can I at least keep in contact so I feel like I havesomesort of someone out there who gives half a shit?”
“Absolutely. Anything you need.” He doesn’t hesitate.
I swear he’s his own worst enemy.
“Just…answer the phone if I call? I gotta start right off with an exam at the doctor’s, then give a statement to the sheriff. I really would love it if I could bitch about it after.” I’m dreading it.
Too bad he couldn’t be there.
He crumples his empty pouch, then reaches for mine, tossing them into the garbage. “What do you mean ‘exam’? Are you still hurting?” The tender look he gives me almost makes tears well in my eyes.
“No. I mean, yea, a little, but not enough for that. Don’t ya know that when a girl gets violated, they do it again at the hospital for their evidence stuff? I know too many from college that had to go through it. Fuck, our RA even did a whole speech about the order of events in case we got assaulted.” My stomach turns sour.
I hope the alfredo stays down.
“Jesus, April. I’m sorry.” His teeth grit. “I had no idea.”
Damn it. I’m not gonna cry. “Let’s not talk about it.” I drop to the floor next to Roscoe and he leans off his bed to put his head on my lap. “I just wanna pretend that none of it exists tonight.”
“That’s fair.” His lips purse and he pauses, then gets up and joins me next to the dog.
