Page 140 of Selfie
I flash him a toothy grin. “The thing is, if we keep Onyx, we kind of have to keep Ghost too. But those piggies are mine. The girls will each want one of their own. And we can’t possibly exclude just one baby. That’s so cruel.”
He blinks at me. “They. Have. To. Go.”
I circle my fingertips around his chest between his muscular pecs. I’ve learned this is an erogenous zone for Nathan. He melts when I touch him here for some reason. I’m not above using my feminine wiles to keep my piggy family together. “Which one do you think is cutest?”
“I know what you’re doing, by the way…” He lets out a grouchy grumble, but eventually points to the corner of the cage. “Which one is that one?”
“Mars Bar.”
“He’s all right. He’s the only one who walks normal instead of freaking out and scurrying around like a roach.”
“Oh myGod,” I exclaim. “How cute would matching shirts be for all of them?”
“For fuck’s sake,” Nathan mumbles, shaking his head.
“C’mere,” I say, luring him to the only couch in the room. I wait until he sits to curl up next to him. I rest my ear against his chest, feeling the loud thumps of his heartbeat. “How are you doing? The hearing is coming up soon. Anything on your mind?”
It’s been a heartbreaking two months for Ruby. Peter went back to jail. He’s never getting out. Ruby has decided to move away from Las Vegas, somewhere on the East Coast. She wanted to start fresh. Honoring her promise to Nathan, Ruby gave Claire a choice…
But it wasn’t much of a choice. Nathan’s name was on her lips before Ruby could barely get out the question. Their bondis deep and unbreakable. Even after three years, they remained loyal and hopeful. It finally paid off. Now, we’re all a family.
“It’ll feel good once it’s official. I can’t forget the past. I’ll never stop thinking about how easy it was for them to rip Claire away from me. I just want to sign the papers so I don’t have to live in fear.”
Reaching up, I cup his cheek. “It’ll be done soon. Claire will be all yours.”
“Not just Claire,” Nathan answers. “I worry about you too. And Charlie. Can I ask you something?
“Anything.”
“Hop up for me.” He squeezes me in a reassuring hug, before pushing me off of him. He darts out of the room, then returns in a flash with a scrapbook in hand. At first I assume it’s one of ours, but then I realize we don’t own a purple scrapbook.
Nathan resumes his position right next to me and hands me the book. I run my fingers over the beautiful etched flowers, layered in a collage-like fashion over the various purple hues. “This is stunning. What is this?”
“Charlie inspired me. She said these scrapbooks really help you guys. I thought it’d be good for Claire.”
I nod. “Charlie had the same idea. They’re how we stay connected to Mom. There’s something about a picture. Memories warp and fade. Sometimes I can’t recall the times before my mom got sick. When she’s stuck in my mind as frail and so ill, I forget we had a life before that. The photographs help me remember. Emotions twist the narrative based off where you are in life, but photographs keep the memories honest and alive.”
Nathan stares at me with bleeding adoration. He couldn’t control his smile if he tried. “I’m so glad you wrote my speech for tonight.”
I chuckle. “You and Claire have been working on this together?”
Nathan bobs his head. “It’s been a trip down memory lane.”
“How’s the journey?” I stare into his eyes, always light these days. Even when we have these difficult conversations, they never lose their little spark. Whatever was missing, Nathan got back.
“Bumpy,” he claims. “But therapeutic. Things that Claire remembers, I don’t. There are some things I recall that she can’t. Together we’re piecing it all together.”
He reaches over my lap and pulls the book open. The first page holds a photograph I’m familiar with. No longer hiding in the broken piano bench, Elise and Claire are basking in a field of flowers, their smiles glowing against the black page. “They are stunning, Nathan.”
“So are you.” He cups his fingers underneath my chin, guiding my gaze toward him. “You know that, right? This book doesn’t mean?—”
“Nathan.You don’t have to do that every time. Your heart is big enough for all of us. I’m not jealous of Elise. She’s part of our family too.”
He lets out a low hum. “Our family. I really like that, Spencer. I love you.”
It’s not the first time he’s said it. It’s not the first time I’ve returned the sentiment. Movies used to tell me that “I love you” was supposed to be some big parade. Flowers, fireworks, and big to-dos. But when you love someone from your very bones, when your heart only beats properly when you know they’re safe… There’s no gesture that can do it justice.
I love youisn’t a theatrical declaration.
