“Don’t you have checks to write or something?” I ask.
He smiles, taking a step closer to me.
“Don’t you ever think about us, Tobias?” he asks in a quiet voice.
My teeth grind together so hard my jaw aches.
“Only when I picture putting your head on a stick,” I grit out.
Somehow, his smile grows. “There’s a very thin line between love and hate.”
I huff out a laugh. “Trust me, I am so far from loving you, it’s not even funny.”
“Hey, Tobias, can you help me please?”
I glance around Brandon to see Suzie, one of the CNAs. Her cheeks are red, hair a mess. She must be dealing with a difficult patient.
I don’t spare Brandon another glance as I go help my co-worker. She’s relatively new and still learning things. Though it isn’t my job to change patients, I assist her because that’s the right thing to do. I help her get her patient situated, even though he fights us the entire time, and thankfully when I return, Brandon is gone. At least I shouldn’t have to see him again for another couple months.
Chapter Three
Theodore
I browse through the guys on the website, not sure why I’m entertaining the idea of renting a date. I mean, what kind of people are these guys? And what kind of peoplerent dates? Asher didn’t seem too far off when he suggested prostitution, though these guys don’t sleep with their dates—apparently. It’s against policy. I’m not stupid though, of course some of these guys sleep with their dates. That’s the world we live in. And in no way am I judging them for what they do. We’re all just trying to survive.
I’m desperate to know what’s going on with me, but not enough to hire a prostitute. So maybethisis the right way to go? Just a simple date. I can talk to Asher and Morgan about my weird thoughts, but they’re biased in what they say. We’re best friends. Maybe what I need is to talk to a stranger about it. Maybe renting a date and spilling my guts about what’s going on won’t be so bad. In fact, maybe it’ll be good for me. Maybe doing this will make me realize it’s all in my head andjust nerves about the wedding. If I happen to make a complete fool of myself, at least I’ll never have to see him again. Besides, can my problem really be the weirdest shit they’ve ever heard? They probably get whack jobs all the time.
I look through my schedule to see when I’m free. There’s nothing going on Saturday night, so I put that into the filter on the site and it pops up with the guys who are available that night. I scroll through, not having a single idea how to choose one. Do I go with the one I think is the hottest? The one who looks the kindest? One who looks like he won’t judge me? An ugly one so I'm not as nervous? Impossible on both fronts, by the way. They're all hot as hell and there's no way I won't be nervous.
“This shouldn’t be so difficult,” I mutter.
“Theo!”
I snap my laptop shut, whirling in my chair just as Marianne walks into my in-home office. It’s the smallest room in the house, but the one I use the most even though I hardly work—but where else should I hang out?
“Hey,” she says with a smile.
“Hey,” I answer, forcing a smile and hoping I don't look guilty of checking out guys that I want to date online.
“Thought I’d stop by on my break to see if you wanted to grab lunch.”
“Oh, uh, I ate already.”
“Oh, okay.” She shrugs, going to the mirror on the wall to fix her light brown hair. “Guess I’ll see you later then.”
She comes over to kiss me on the cheek, then leaves. I’ll never understand how her brain works. She drove all the way here to see if I wanted to go for lunch when she could have called and saved the trip… or even easier, texted.
Though, I guess she just wanted to get out of her father’s office. She’s a secretary there—for now. Once we’re married, she’ll be an at-home-wife, soon-to-be stay-at-home-mom. The thought makes me nauseous. It’s not that I don’t want kids, I love kids, but I don’t want kids with her. Which makes me a horrible person. Marianne is so sweet, and she’ll be an amazing mother. She’s just not going to be the mother ofmychildren. This isn’t right. We don’t feel like two puzzle pieces that fit together—how can I settle for that?
I groan, burying my face in my hands. “Why does my life suck so bad?”
I spend half my day on the website, overthinking my choices. When I get annoyed, I walk away for a bit, but I always end up coming back to it. There are a ton of guys on the site, and a lot of them have availability on the weekend. Their rate is pretty high, but money isn’t an issue.
Marianne and I both come from wealthy, high-end families. As the eldest son, I will take over my father’s legacy once he passes, but it doesn’t look like that will happen any time soon. So, for now, I’m asilentCOO. Meaning I have thetitle, but don’t do many hands-on things other than attending meetings a few times a week and looking over reports and approving proposals. I work about ten hours a week and get paid a ridiculous amount of money to do it. My father says it’s time to watch and learn, this way I can continue once he’s gone.
My duties won’t change much once I take my father’s position, considering he works less than I do. I guess I shouldn’t complain about it or even be ungrateful. I’m lucky to have everything I do without having to lift a finger for it. Which is why I don’t understand why I can’t just be happy. Who cares if I have to spend the rest of my life with Marianne? At least we’ll be financially comfortable. Not enough people can say that. I’m not your typical spoiled rich boy, and a lot of my family doesn’t understand why I have emotions… As if that’s not a normal human thing?
Life would be much easier if I could make myself happy with Marianne and our planned life. But I have to question everything, and think about everything, and it’s such a pain in the ass. Things would be easier if I was as heartless and unfeeling as my parents and brothers.
