“What?” My eyes snap to my brother. Did he figure out my attraction to Spencer? Does he know? I feel hot all over, like I’m sweating. This is just fucking fantastic. “No. Not because of Spencer. Why would you ask that?”
He cocks his head to the side, and now, he just looks freaked-out. Yeah, I really need to keep my cool. “Okay, what the fuck is going on? You’re freaking me out.”
I nod because yeah... that tracks. I’m acting like a crazy person. But also, I don’t think I can out Spencer. Even though he said he’s out and proud. Fuck me, I don’t know the rules.
“Is it because Spencer is gay?”
“How do you know that?” I ask, my jaw nearly dropping.Did Spencer tell him that? Or does he see right through me and know I’m freaking out about Spencer?
He shrugs. “My gaydar is pretty good.” He shrugs, and okay, so he wasn’t talking aboutmeand Spencer. “But does that really bother you? Because I know Garnett can be shitty with that kind of stuff, but I didn’t think my brother was.”
“What?” I ask, my eyes widening. “No. I don’t care about that. Why would I care—” I shut my mouth but stare at him angrily. “I’m not an asshole. I’m fine with Spencer being gay. Not that anyone needs to be fine with anyone else’s sexuality. It’s their business.”
Shut. Up. Kade. Wow. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure that’s what my brother is thinking right now too as he watches me. “Uh... okay. Do you need to talk about something? Because you can.”
Shit. He’s giving me the in. But when I open my mouth to tell him what’s been going on in my head, I chicken out and stand up. “No. Nothing. I have to go.”
“You still have a good thirty minutes before you need to be at the school.”
“Don’t want to be late,” I say lamely, heading for the door and escaping as quickly as I can because apparently, I’m a total coward. Bowen wouldn’t care. He made that pretty clear, and yet, I still couldn’t get the words out.
I am way too early when I reach the school, but I sit there, trying to listen to the music on the radio—turning the volume up to drown out all the thoughts—but in the end, my mind wins out.
When I see Spencer at pickup, his smile infectious, the thoughts only get louder and louder. It’s homecoming tonight, and everyone is wearing their black and red bulldogs gear, including Spencer. “You going to the game tonight?” I ask, trying to keep it casual.
We haven’t talked since Saturday, and while we made plans for this weekend, I kind of forgot to say a day and time, and I definitely forgot about homecoming.
“No. I had different plans for tonight,” he says with a silent smirk that speaks volumes and makes my heart kick up in speed.
“Is that so?”
“It is.” He looks down at Elijah, who’s watching us. “What about you two? Big plans tonight?”
“Nope,” I say quickly, but I hope that I’m sending the silent message that I will see him later. Nothing could keep me away. “Bowen has to work, but my Aunt Kiersten and Elijah are going to have a sleepover.”
“Really?” Spencer says, looking surprised, and then I go over the words in my head. Did I just imply that I’m free all night? As in I want to have a sleepover too? I mean, I am free tonight, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be spending the night with Spencer...
Wow. I really do need to get a grip.
My eyes widen in his direction, and I think he’s trying not to laugh at me. “Well.” He looks down at Elijah. “It sounds like your dad might actually get to sleep in on a weekend then, right? Since you’ll be at your aunt’s tonight?”
Elijah giggles. “Doubt it. He sleeps weird.”
“I do not.”I do. Firefighters’ body clocks are on a whole different level, and I never really know when I’m going to wake up and my body will just be ready to be awake for hours.
Elijah laughs again—and I do love that sound. I find myself smiling at him, but when I glance at Spencer—I see the same smile as he watches my son and the joy there.
It takes a lot of effort to pull my eyes off Spencer before clearing my throat and awkwardly saying goodbye. Hopefully, with a hint of the promise that I’ll see him later.
I spend a couple of hours with Elijah before I drive him over to my aunt’s house. She has lots of things planned for them, since her own kids are grown and gone. She’s pretty excited. The woman is not subtle at all about hoping for grandchildren soon. Movies, junk food, and games. She lists all the things she has planned for my kid tonight, and he’s brimming with excitement.
“I’m going to have him so sugared up when I bring him home for you tomorrow.” She kisses my cheek while hugging me.
“Oh, thanks so much, Aunt Kiersten.”
She laughs happily, and I kneel down to give Elijah a hug. “You can call me anytime, okay? If you want to come home.” It’s still really hard for me to leave him—has been since that fateful night we lost his mom. Leaving him with Tori was easy. When she moved, leaving him with Angelica was so damn hard, I nearly left work a few times just to go and check on him when she didn’t answer my texts quickly enough—in my opinion. But I made it through.
