Ezra
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
My legs ate up the rough terrain as I raced back to the cottage.
Stupid to not take your truck. Stupid to leave in the first place. You’re a fucking idiot.
Hurt and frustration swirled inside me, battling for dominance, but it was all pushed to the side to make room for panic and pure, unfiltered terror. My phone remained clenched in my fist as I ran. I contemplated chucking it, thinking somehow that would help me run faster, but I didn’t want to risk missing another call from Eryn.
I was halfway to my cousin’s wing of the manor with a plan to sneak inside and crash there for the night, when Eryn called me and screeched down the line that Rani had been attacked. Why didn’t Rani call? Was she okay? Had she been on the phone with Eryn during the attack? What if she wasn’t at the cottage when I got there?
I put on an extra burst of speed and prayed my last thought was wrong. I wasn’t sure how the djinn got past my wards, but I would never forgive myself if something happened to Rani because of my never-ending string of failures. Breaths like knives in my chest, I made it home and tore up the drive with a renewed flood of strength.
The front door was wide open. Strange, because it was the only entry to the cottage we actually kept closed. My sneakers crunched over gravel as I crept closer. No signs of damage or forced entry. No sounds of a scuffle inside. Everything was in order, down to the whir of the ceiling fan and serenade of evening crickets.
As I eased through the front entry, I ripped down that wall through our bond and felt for Rani. The silence was alarming. I almost expected fear or panic or pain; to sense nothing meant my imagination was making up all kinds of horrendous reasons for why I couldn’t feel the girl who was usually terrible at containing her emotions.
Impulse wanted me to run to the bedroom, where I last saw her, but training won out and I cleared each room before heading down the tiny hall in the back. Each second was counted with a pounding heart and another attempt at reaching Rani through our fledgling bond. The one I just finished telling myself, and her, that I wanted to smother for her protection.
Oh, the irony.
I could see all the way across the bedroom from the turn in the hall, and the first thing I noticed were the wide-openFrench doors. Not unusual; I didn’t even think they could close anymore. Definitely the first safety hazard I was going to fix. Moonlight shone through the open space between flowering foliage and gauzy curtains. I walked all the way inside, head on a swivel, but it wasn’t until I reached the bed that I heard the creak of the bedroom door slowly closing behind me.
I spun on my heel, heart lodged in my throat as I met a burning pair of storm-gray eyes, hidden in the corner. Rani stood with a coy smile, in nothing but a set of ice blue lingerie. The lace played peek-a-boo with all my favorite parts, accentuating her full breasts and those sinfully long legs.
Her skin glowed; pulsing like a beacon calling me home.
“I didn’t think I’d have to resort to drastic measures to get you to bond with me,” she said, eyes slightly narrowed. “It kind of hurts.”
I gulped, but there was no looking away. Not from her. This was a priceless work of art standing before me, and here I was, acting like an inexperienced loser who couldn’t get it together. I willed my mouth to unglue and had no control over the words that tumbled out.
“It’s because I care.” She knew what I was talking about.
My rejection. The reason I ran like an idiot, leaving her unprotected. I didn’t deserve the relief that coursed through me as I realized this was all an elaborate trap to get my head out of my ass. She shouldn’t have to resort to theatrics for me to have a mature conversation with her, but I wasn’t going to deny my eyes the chance to bask in her beauty.
She took a step forward with a nod. “That’s the only reason I forgave you.”
I gave her a shaky smile as I struggled to speak, to find the right words to thank her. I didn’t deserve her understanding either.
“It’s not forever,” I finally managed to say. “I just need time to fix myself. To be worthy of you. I need to find a way to destroy the monster and wash all this blood off my hands.”
Her lips pinched together in a glare, and the spicy punch of her irritation slammed into me hard enough to make me clutch my chest.
“Don’t you dare lettheirexigencies define you,” she thundered, teeth bared. “You’re not a monster just becausetheydemanded you be one.”
“You don’t get it;I’mdefining myself.” She drew back, surprised, and a bitter laugh bubbled out of my throat. It sounded hollow even to my own ears. “I actuallylikethe rush of power. I thrive on the knowledge thatI’mthe one eliminating the danger and keeping those I love safe.” I pushed off the bed and moved in, closing the distance between us as I laid out all the ways I was a depraved monstrosity. “I’m good at what I do, and that brings its own type of pleasure. Snapping bones, smothering screams; they’re music to my ears.”
She shook her head at every sickening truth I revealed. She thought I was a monster because I wasmadeinto one—and that was partially true, I could admit—but I remained a monster because Ienjoyedit. She refused to cower at my approach, and instead drew herself to her full height and met my stare with a bright flare of defiance.
“Have you ever tortured someone innocent? Ever killed someone who hasn’t struck out or attacked first?”
The very idea shook me from my attempt at intimidation. I wasn’t apsycho. “No.”
“Then shut the fuck up.”
I tossed my head and inhaled deep to try and settle the part of me that wanted to roar in her face. Why wasn’t she properly scared of me? I just told her Ilikedthe killing part of my job, who cared if my hit list was only bad guys?
“I never should have initiated our bond.” My voice was heavy with regret. It was clear to me now that she was defiant for defiance's sake.
