My heart is beating out of my chest. I’ve avoided this for months because it’s a scary conversation I’ve not been ready for. Defining our relationship with a label beyond “dating” terrifies me because it means having to open myself up to getting hurt again. Or worse, being the one who does the hurting. Maybe that makes me a coward.
Actually, I know it does.
“That really sucks, Ric.” Cam buries his face in his hands. “I deserve more than that. I want you tobemyboyfriend. Exclusively, in definition and promise.”
“Cam . . .” I take his hands, pry them off his face so I can see him. But I can’t do more.
His eyes are splotchy and red. “I want to occupy the same spot as Fielder in your mind. If I can’t, let me go.”
After a few minutes of silence, he says, “I think I’m going to go into town by myself. Maybe hit the public beach. You go to the woodshop. I think doing this separately today is a good idea. Gives us both time to think.”
After a long hot shower, I emerge ready to take on the day, heading up to see Vincenze about getting into town by myself. Running my hands through my long hair, I shake out the remaining moisture like a dog when I run into Tyler, who asks what I’m doing today. When I tell him I’m heading into town and ask if he wants to join, he leans in close.
“Keep a secret?” Rocking back and forth excitedly on his heels, he looks like a giddy kid. “I got a date!”
My brows arch. “Monroe.”
Color drains from his already pale face.
“Worst kept secret ever. You’re all over her.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Only to people with eyes.”
“Oh, okay.” He scrunches his face. “Wait.”
We both laugh.
“She’s a goddess, dude,” I say, having known Monroe since Sienna was a college freshman at FIT and Monroe was her roommate. “Smart as hell, probably more than all of us combined.Andshe’s anartist. Like, a real visionary.” Monroe has what it takes tobecome world-famous. Her designs are bonkers. Avant-garde. I admire her. Plus, she’s always been a great, loyal friend to Sienna. When I came out to Sienna, they both invited me to the city and Monroe introduced me to her twin sister, Joey, and Joey’s girlfriend, and her best friends Carey and Phoebe. Meeting so many LGBTQ+people and seeing them thrive was something I’ll never forget. I already had so much exposure, from Fielder and Benny, but it never gets old meeting new people who are authentically themselves. “Don’t mess this up.”
“Any advice?” he asks.
“For dating a girl?” My face scrunches. “Fresh out of tips. Though I did give pointers to some guys on the football team.”
“You played football?”
“For five seconds.” I air-measure myself against him. “Don’t know if you can tell, but I was a bit of a runt.” That gets a laugh. I learned a long time ago that short jokes got me far. “I got pummeled. Hated every game. I played tennis and swam. Varsity captain.”
“Small but mighty,” Tyler says.
“Small but mighty.” I flex my biceps, and Tyler feels them.
“This feels very gay.” Monroe appears from around a blind corner, Fielder in tow. She’s wearing skintight black jeans with snakeskin boots and a vintage flowy, oversized resort-style button-down with a vibrant 1970s maximalist–pop art alligator print. Her bright pink lips and a slick cat eye complete the look. She contrasts Tyler in his baby-blue shorts that come just above his knee and a short-sleeve plain-as-hell Target button-down that’s buttoned up too high. I reach over and swiftly unbutton a few until his collarbone and the upper part of his pecs show.
“Quick hands,” Tyler says.
I crack my knuckles.
“Hey,” Fielder says, and my mouth goes dry. “How’d you sleep?”
I shrug. “Meh. You?” I hate small talk. Fielder and I never had that. From the moment we met, we never ran out of things to talk about. Back then it was all about LEGO sets,Adventure Time,Star Wars: The Clone Wars,Pokémon, or, thanks to my dad,Jurassic Park(which scared the hell out of Fielder).
We teeter on the heels of everything unspoken between us until the silence becomes too much for Monroe.
“This is awkward,” she says.
“We should, um, probably head out,” Tyler says. “I asked Vin-cenze to get us a golf cart to go into town.”
