“They’re not coming, Field.”
He sucks in a breath. “What happened? Are they okay?”
I hold out my hand for him.
“Iwasafraid to love you,” I admit to Cam. “I think I stopped myself.” But I don’t stop myself from looking into his eyes.
He kisses me, passionately, like he’s never kissed me before.
“I don’t understand,” Fielder says, rubbing his temples. “I’m sweating like a stuffed pig.” He slips his phone out of his pocket. “My battery is almost dead, and Topher isn’t answering any of my texts. Why are you holding out your hand?”
“Do you trust me?”
Cam kisses me and I open my eyes; he curiously looks at me.
“Why did you stop yourself from loving me?” he asks. “Was it something I did?”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t fair to you. I see that now.” The corners of my eyes sting. “You made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I needed that.”
“You do that for me, too,” Cam says, then sits back and slowly lets go of my hand, our fingers coming undone. “You said ‘made,’ ‘needed.’ Past tense.”
My heart sinks. “You’re an amazing friend to me, Cam, and I want to have you in my life. I don’t want that to end.”
He pivots away from me, looking toward the water. “You think that’s realistic?”
I go for his hand again and pull it into my chest. “I don’t discard people.”
“You did it to Fielder,” Cam says, and that stings more than I was prepared for. “Sorry. I—”
“No, you’re right. I deserve that.”
His voice shakes, with sadness or anger I can’t tell. “Why couldn’t you love me?”
“I do, but I think what I’ve come to understand is that it’s a different kind of love, more of a friend, which is why I want youin my life, and I know it’s unfair to ask that of you, especially after bringing you here and putting you through this, and I get it if you hate me, but I don’t want to keep putting you through this. It’s not fair to you.”
“No, it’s not.” He stands up, and I follow. Just when I think he’s going to yell and scream or cause a scene, he bites back his lips, wipes tears from his eyes, and asks, “Can I have a hug?” His voice cracks.
Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around him. “Always.”
“I love you, Ricky.”
“I love you, too, Cam.” Because friend-love is real and important, and it needs to be said and known. He needs to know I won’t abandon him.
He holds me a little tighter as he cries into my shoulder.
“Thank you for an amazing six months,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He doesn’t say anything back, and I don’t expect him to.
Chapter 20
Shut Up and Kiss Me
Ricky holds his hand out to me, and my heart beats so fast I may pass out.
When I don’t immediately take it—because why should I after everything he’s put me through; boy owes me at least some sort of explanation!—he starts talking in Italian to the captain of the gozzo, asking for a few minutes alone. (God, that’s hot.)
He turns back to me and takes a breath like the weight of the world is off his shoulders, and, well, isn’t that presumptuous?
