I grip tight to the ring around my neck.
Then there’s Cam. We hop around each other like the floor is lava. Benny takes it upon himself to talk to Cam, to get to know him more, make him feel at ease, and his actions allow me to breathe. I really miss my family and it’s small moments like this, actions from the heart, where I truly feel the distance of living on the West Coast.
I do my best to be present, to soak up family time and dote on Sienna, making sure she’s drinking enough water between all the wine, that her hair looks perfect for the predinner family photo-shoot. She deserves the best man of honor.
Like always, she somehow sees through my act.
“How’re you doing?” Sienna places a hand on my leg above my knee to stop it from shaking restlessly.
“Nothing!”
“I said how, not what?”
“I should be asking you that,” I say. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”
“Never been more excited about anything.” Sienna looks angelic. I truly have never seen her happier or more relaxed than when she’s with Topher. Growing up, she was always playing mom, so concerned with being responsible and taking care of everybody that it’s nice to see her not concerned with anything other than having fun this week. “You know what Mom said to me earlier? She said before I walk down the aisle tomorrow to be certain I want this. Messed up, huh?”
“Why would she say that? Not that I’m surprised because she always has opinions, but still, not cool.”
“She’s worried I’m giving up my dreams for Topher.Following him around, moving wherehewants to move. She thinks because he’s got money, I’m surrendering to him and becoming a little housewife. Like her.”
“But you’re not.” I wouldn’t be her brother if I didn’t double down to make sure.
She scoffs. “Of course not. Monroe and I are still going into business together, and I can do her fashion marketing and branding from anywhere. I’m not giving up anything. I’m only gaining. He supports me, and not, like, financially because I make my own money. Sure, I can’t afford a villa in Italy or three wedding dresses or a superyacht, but without him, I would be able to live life exactly as I want to. He supports me emotionally. He’s my biggest cheerleader. Mom doesn’t get that. Dad is great and I love him, but he’s very much the man of the house stereotype, and Mom had no life outside of taking care of us and him.” She picks at her perfectly manicured cuticles. “I don’t want her life, and she doesn’t want me to have that life, either. And I don’t. Topher adds to me, doesn’t take, or expect anything.”
“That’s how it should be,” I say, though it comes out more like a question.
“No, that’s exactly how it should be.” She kisses my cheek and excuses herself to go check her makeup before we leave for dinner.
As the sun starts to set, I hold my breath, and go up to Cam, and hand him a handwritten note and do the same to Fielder.
When Vincenze announces the arrival of the cars to take us to Positano, Topher pulls me aside. “Everything set for Sienna’s surprise tonight?”
Truth is, I haven’t spoken to Fielder about it in a couple days,but that shouldn’t be a problem. Topher had everything taken care of, so Fielder and I working together was more of a cursory exercise anyway.
Matty wanders by curiously and offers a terse head nod.
“Yeah, no worries,” I say. “Everything is under control.”
My stomach is in knots.
“Sweet.” He squeezes my shoulder and narrows his eyes. “Areyouready?”
Chapter 19
I Had the Strangest Dream
I play with the wooden ring Ricky gave me when he comes up to me at the rehearsal and hands me a poem from a piece of paper from the journal I bought him. It’s rolled to look like a scroll.
Like, come on. First of all, how extra? (I love it.)
Second, he can’t even let me have one night to myself, can he? It’s not enough that he’s been doggedly staring at both me and Cam, but now this?
“IF ONLY”
we could sail
to the middle
