“And how does that differ from what you feel now for Jim?”
“It just does. It’s hard to explain, but in high school, you know, you’ve got that first crush. You’re all dreamy and idealistic. Brett and I really liked each other. Even talked about a future.”
“Brett?Brett Cole, the stoner?”
“How did you know he was a stoner? You were already out of high school when he came along.”
“Yeah, well, even small-town news travels to the big city. How else? Mom. She told me about his arrest graduation night.”
“I’m just glad I decided to pass up on that party. I may have been the so-called wild child of the family, but I knew my limits.”
“Yet you thought you could change him, and…”
“And, well, I realized I couldn’t.”
“Thank goodness.”
“Anyway, let’s move on. So, I lost my virginity to a high school crush. Then in my first year of college, I had a thing with a guy, but that didn’t last. We had fun, but I knew it wasn’t going to go beyond that.”
“And with Jim, you know it will? How can you be so sure?”
“You can’t really. You just go with your heart. If it feels right, do it.”
I burst with laughter. “Well, that could certainly lead to some interesting predicaments.”
“It certainly could.”She laughs along with me before recovering, becoming all too serious again. “Abby, what do you feel for Shaun? Where do you want it to go?”
I don’t answer right away, thinking about her questions. Do I even know the answers?
“You’re taking too long. From the exchange of heat between the two of you, you should be pouncing. Ready for the next step in your life.”
“But what if it fails?” I say, hating how meek it sounds.
“Is that what’s stopping you from trying? Failing?”
“You can’t fail at what you don’t attempt,” I whisper.
“Wrong, Abbs,” Denise starts softly. “Not even attempting is a failure. A failure at not living your life to its full potential.” She studies me for a moment before continuing. “Is that why you’ve lived your life so carefully? So reserved? And…”
“Boring?” When Denise only nods, I continue. “I was the oldest child, the one expected to do ‘right’… to make the responsible choices. The one to set the example for you and Beckham and Claire. Some example, huh? You three have been fearless and have done remarkable things with your lives, and here I am, safe, stable, and boring! Pathetically afraid of making the wrong choices and being a failure in your eyes.”
Denise takes my hands in hers. “Oh, honey, life is all about attempts and failures. Trial and error. How do you even know you’ll fail if you don’t even try? You could be amazing. At anything! It isn’t shameful to fail. It’s shameful to give up.”
“Again, how did you get so dang smart?” I grin as I squeeze her hands.
Denise shrugs. “I had nothing to lose. As thebaby, I could get away with a lot more and it’d pretty much be excused. It gave me a certain freedom, and I quickly learned I really didn’t need to try it all.” She chuckles.
“What if I get hurt? What if I hurt him?”
“That’s all part of life, Abby. You take the good with the bad. But how are you even going to know if you don’t try? If you don’t put yourself out there? Sylvia is right. Life is meant to be lived. You need to start living.”
As I mull over all that’s gone on in the last two days, and this conversation is starting to sink in, I square my shoulders, trying to fortify myself.
“You’re right. And so is Sylvia. But don’t tell her I admitted that.”
Denise drops my hands and pumps her fists. “So, ‘Operation Shaun’ is on!”
Now it’s my turn to giggle.“Um, okay. What exactly does that mean?”
