‘Cam rang me as your next of kin to say you were leaving the villa. But I was already here at the airport because you had sent me a message,’ she says. ‘Anyway, we were waiting for you to leave the villa, but you never turned up. And the airline lost my luggage.’ She rolls her eyes and does that throwing up her hands thing I do.
‘What message?’
‘The message. The one we planned before you left.’
‘I have no idea what you mean.’
‘You sent me the Chris Martin message.’ Lois is frowning at me. ‘You said in episode three “If you never know, you’ll never try” line which is clearly code.’
‘Code for what?’
Cam catches my eye in the mirror. I can’t tell whether he thinks we are both insane, or whether it is just my sister that he thinks has lost the plot. I throw him a weak smile and try to get to the bottom of why my sister has flown thirteen thousandmiles across the planet because she thinks I am incapable of toughing something out.
‘The code that you need me to come and…’ she lowers her voice. ‘… fix you.’
It’s no use. I start howling with laughter. ‘Oh, my word. Lois, you are such a bad liar. You have always wanted to come to Mexico, and you have been desperate to go on Love on the Island since the show started! Please don’t use me as an excuse.’
Lois is the picture of guilt.
‘Okay. I really wanted a holiday. But honestly, I do think you need rescuing from yourself because I am not kidding you, sis, that whole ‘up your bum’ thing still has me roaring with laughter. Poor Tyrone pranged his car on a lamp post, he was so busy laughing. Three days it took for him to eventually stop. You’re an actual meme and you’re trending on TikTok.’
Cam snorts with laughter. ‘Sorry. I’m not laughing. I just got some… dust up my nose.’
I tut loudly. He’s not the worst liar in the car.
‘I appreciate you’ve come all this way but,’ I say sadly, ‘I can’t leave the show yet. Porscha has threatened to…’ I stop talking unsure I should be revealing this to Cam.
‘What has she threatened to do?’ Lois asks, shuffling closer and taking my hand. ‘Is she bullying you?’
I avoid making eye contact with Cam in the mirror.
‘No. I mean, yes. Kind of. But it’s complicated.’
‘Just leave. You’ve been on the show. You’ve fulfilled the contract criteria. Tyrone has been over it at work and all the lawyers say you can leave without any repercussions.’
My sister’s face softens at the mention of Tyrone. ‘Ah, tell him thanks,’ I say. ‘I miss him. I bet he’s so jealous you flew out here without him.’
Lois grins. ‘He’s here! He’s at the hotel. We’ve brought our engagement holiday forward. As in we’ve put it on the creditcard. And those bastards owe me so many holidays, it’s a joke. So, we’ll drop you at the villa, pack your stuff up and we’ll get you out of there. We’ll stay on for two weeks and have a lovely holiday together!’
‘I wish I could, but it’s not that simple.’
‘It is. Just stand up to this Porscha person. It’s about time you learned to stand up for yourself.’
‘I know. You’re right,’ I say in hushed tones. ‘But I… can’t. I have to go back and finish the show.’
Lois looks confused and leans over to Cam. ‘I thought you said Libby was desperate to leave?’
‘She’s blackmailing you, isn’t she?’ says Cam, his voice flat. ‘It’s about me. She’s forcing you to stay and is using me as bait.’
I nod. ‘Sorry. She said she’d badmouth you to everyone in the industry and you’d never work in TV again. She also said she’d edit me to look really bad, and I’d never get another teaching job.’
‘Oh my God. What a nasty bitch.’ Lois turns to me. ‘Give me your boilersuit and your hairband. And your muddy boots.’
‘You can’t be serious.’
She practically yanks the suit from my body. ‘Hell, yeah, I am. I came all this way to make sure you are okay. I’m not going to let her get away with this.’ Lois has steam coming out of her ears. ‘I’ll go in there and give her a piece of my mind. Your mind. I’ll give her a piece of our mind.’
‘How did you get to be so fiery? Anyway, it won’t work. She’ll still sack Cam and she’ll turn a whole nation against me, and we’ll both lose out.’
